Doogie of the Carribbean

Yes, I know that I owe you a long post about how things have been going at school [yes, Virginia, I am the official site support sub at Bryant Elementary School], but things have been crazy, and I've been extremely tired everyday - and things will be even more crazy this week because I'm working the Book Fair after school every day this week. I'll give you the full scoop soon. BUT, more importantly...

I just got home from a Halloween get-together at the apartment of an actor friend, and, in attendance, was none other than TV's Doogie Howser M.D., Neil Patrick Harris. He and his "friend" [wink wink] came in these fantastickly elaborate pirate costumes. When I was introduced to him [I was on the back porch having a stress-relieving cigarette] I had my momentary starfucker moment and exclaimed, "I just have to get my gush moment out of the way and say that I saw you here in Sweeney Todd and you were AMAZING." I'm such a dork. Neil smoked a cigarette and then threw it off of the porch down to a parking lot below. His fag [wink wink] landed on the top of a car and I instantaneously saw the headline in the morning paper:

TV'S DOOGIE HOWSER CAUSES CAR TO EXPLODE

And, yes, I realize the irony that here I am writing about this in my online diary which is exactly what Doogie did at the end of each episode of his show...

[Cue cheesy, contemplative Casio keyboard theme...]

And, so...

[Brace yourselves, folks. This may be a long one...]

It looks as though I got the on-site sub job at Bryant. The sort of "vice-principal" woman [she was brought in full time now that Bryant is a STAR school] told me so on Friday. The Principal told me so on Friday. However, I'm going to continue to not celebrate too hard until I sign my name on a contract - which, the Principal said, should be some time this week... although, he is in Palm Springs for some conference all week. It figures, eh?

The end of last week was fine. Thursday morning I got to do some CELDT testing with some 2nd graders. It was a listening section which I administered to students one by one. Basically, there were questions that I had to ask, and then the kids had to choose one of the pictures provided that "answered" the question. In one part, there were instructions like, Draw a line from the turtle to the pig., Draw a circle around the head of the taller giraffe., and Draw a line above the circle. [This one was TOUGH and not a single kid got it right.] On the same page as the pictures of the turtle, pig, and circle was a picture of a round table. My instructed direction [as instructed to me by the test administrator's guide book] was to say, Point to the table. One kid actually pointed to the top of the table that we were sitting at. This just proves how silly some of these standardized tests can truly be.

Thursday afternoon I provided release time to the two 3rd grade teachers by taking each of their classes to the library to read to them from Charlie & the Chocolate Factory - which, by the way, is just a fantastically written book that lends itself PERFECTLY to being read aloud. 25 minutes is WAY to long for 2nd and 3rd graders to sit still and listen to a chapter book with very few illustrations. Both classes got REALLY antsy after 15 minutes. Luckily, in the future, after students bring back permission slips, students will use most of that library time to actually search for books, check them out, and then peruse through them - which is PERFECT for me since I'm looking at getting into Library Sciences, right? Well, yeah, but it looks as though, because I'm male, I'm going to have to do the P.E. portion of release time with students. How sexist, eh?

Thursday after school I sat down with the librarian at Bryant. Last year she was SUPER part time, but this year she seems to be there an awful lot. She's a bit odd, and was a bit cagey about my asking questions related to her training and degrees and such. I asked if there might be a time where she could show me the software that she uses everyday and she gave me this look like, "Um, probably not." Honestly, it was as if she felt like I was gunning for her job. Not much help, but maybe she'll begin to trust me a bit more as the year goes on. The one thing that we agreed on is that it is a COMPLETE travesty that librarians are the first people to go when there are cutbacks. The district is SO set on literacy, certain schools [Bryant included] are called "Reading First" schools, Shrub started the "No Child Left Behind" thingy, and yet we put no value whatsoever on libraries. SO maddening.

Friday I subbed in one classroom all day [2nd grade] so that the teacher could take students out for individual testing. It wasn't so bad overall - there was lots for us to do, and the teacher had told me the previous day that we would be watching Charlotte's Web on video, and eating cupcakes that a kid's mom was going to bring in. Well, in the morning the teacher came in and said, "I couldn't find Charlotte's Web. My husband i driving around right now trying to find it somewhere." Right before lunch she came in and said, "Well, he can't find it. He's going to rent Peter Pan instead." A few minutes before it was time to put in the video, the husband showed up and handed it to me. I looked at it and said, "Um, this is the live action, musical TV version from the 60s with Mary Martin. I think the kids would want to watch the Disney version." The husband looked peeved, and the teacher searched around the room and found The Indian in the Cupboard, so that was what we ended up watching. I've got to say, the movie contained some of the WORST child acting I've EVER seen... and the Indian was kind of hot.

Friday after school the Principal had me create a Word document which listed last year's 3rd and 4th graders and their STAR test scores. Most students ranked at either "Basic" level or below, the MAJORITY being labeled "Below Basic" or "FAR Below Basic". These scores are why the school has been deemed "low performing", and why I got my job. The new principal said to me, "The scores are pretty eye opening, eh? I don't think the teachers here have any clue how close this school is to being completely restructured. If these scores don't go up this year, all of these teachers may lose their jobs here." Eek.

Over the weekend I SUDDENLY remembered that I was on call for Federal Court jury duty. This is the 3rd time I've been summoned for duty, and I didn't even have to go in at all the first 2 times. SO, I kind of put it at the back of my mind, never believing that I would actually be called in to active duty. Well, sure enough, I look at the website and it says that I have to report to the Federal building in Oakland at 7:30 am Tuesday [today] morning. So, here I am freaking out thinking, "CRAP! I'm starting a new job [officially] next week, and I forgot to mention this jury duty thing to ANYONE there. I have no way of getting ahold of anyone until school opens Tuesday morning. I'm SCREWED"

Well, this morning I got up and called the school, leaving a message on the machine [the secretary, for some reason, doesn't show up until 7:30am, even though school starts at 7:50am...]. When I got out of BART in Oakland I called again, this time leaving a message with this older woman who volunteers around 40 hours/week and gets paid for 2 of those hours. Essentially, she's there all day just because she likes it, and she's apparently been there for a number of years. Unfortunately, she's a bit looney and scatterbrained, so I knew that no one would ever get my message. BUT, I left a message with her anyway - just to make her feel like I trust her. I called again half an hour later [we didn't actually step foot into the courtroom until 8:45am], the looney woman answered and I immediately asked to speak to the regular secretary, who confirmed that looney woman never passed on my message. During a later break, I called the school and got to speak with the "vice principal" woman. "Oh, my god! I'm SO sorry! I completely forgot about this whole jury duty thing! I hope I'm not causing any inconvenience!" The response from the vp woman? "Oh, please. Really, don't worry about it AT ALL." Just another case of my needlessly worrying.

So, if it were a different time and I didn't need the money so bad working, and I wasn't just starting a new job, I totally would've gone whole hog for this jury thing. It was kind of fascinating and fun. But, the second that the jury clerk woman told us that we should tell the judge about any "hardships" that would prevent us from being on a jury, I knew what I had to do. So, we [there were around 60 of us, I think...] were led into this tiny courtroom which was already filled with lawyers and bystanders all dressed for a somber affair. Literally, everyone was wearing a suit of either black or dark grey, and I could tell that the lawyers were eyeing us, judging just by first glance who they might or might not want on the jury. They called our names at random and had us sit in that order [the guy sitting next to me was carrying a book titled Critical Thinking... kiss ass...], and then the judge came in, told us the trial would likely last around 12 days [twelve days!], and asked if anyone had any "hardships" that they wanted to bring up to get out of duty. 7 or 8 people besides myself told tales of woe. Some had non-refundable plane tickets, one guy worked somewhere that didn't offer jury pay, one woman was a teacher in a school in the projects and said that her students really need her to be there everyday because they need consistency to feel safe - SO TRUE - I was totally right there with her. I heard a woman behind me whisper, at one point, "Well, we ALL have hardships..." Yeah, well, then bring it up, babe! I told the judge my situation, she didn't pursue it very far, and that was it. Eventually, the judge started questioning all of the first 25 people, skipping over those [myself included] who mentioned having hardships at the beginning of the proceedings. The questions involved whether you knew anyone who practiced law, or did anything with patents, and then whether or not you have ever downloaded or uploaded music on your computer. It was really quite fascinating being there to listen to people being asked about their lives - it was like hearing a bunch of small vignettes - little windows into the lives of complete strangers. Most people looked bored and started reading newspapers or paying their bills, but I was ENTHRALLED. Unfortunately, ALL of the instructions and questions were in English. There were 4 or 5 people in our jury pool for whom English was clearly their second language, and they got BERATED for not understanding what was being asked of them. It was REALLY starting to piss me off. One guy just got REAMED - "So you've been in this country for how long and you don't understand the question? Do you talk to your coworkers in Chinese or in English? Did you go to school in this country? Well then how did you learn to be a dental technician??" Just ugly, I tell you.

Like I said, the judge got through about 25 of the 60, told us to take a break, and when we came back they announced that 8 of those first 25 people would make up the jury. I was not one of them. [The guy with the Critical Thinking book, however, DID have to serve on the jury... ha ha...] Getting in the elevator after being told that we would STILL have to call this Sunday to see if we needed to come back next week [Federal Court duty lasts a whole month] a woman quietly mused, "I feel like I just dodged a bullet." Well, it wasn't that bad.

Oh, I forgot to mention that we had to fill out a questionaire when we first arrived. It asked name, place of birth, occupation, age, etc. The choices listed for "Marital Status" were:

Single - Married - Divorced - Widowed - Separated

I wrote in "PARTNERED" and circled it. If the judge had spoken to me and brought it up I would've said that one of the things that any good teacher learns is that every child wants to be recognized. It applies for all people really. I'm sick of my government, which is so content on spreading "freedom" to all corners of the Earth, not recognizing me and the situation that I am in. I also hate it when the collections department of Target calls and, upon finding out that Brian isn't at home, then asks, "Is there a wife that I can speak to?" A couple of times I have actually said, "I really don't appreciate such a heterosexist assumption." This is the 21st century, isn't it?

Let's not get our hopes up TOO high yet, but...

I may have found a job.

It started on Saturday. Brian and I decided to splurge and go out for breakfast. MY idea was to go someplace dive-y and cheap, but Brian insisted on going to the Ebb Tide down the street where you can get a PLATE of bacon for $9 [no, the two of us didn't get the plate of bacon, but we probably would've if Jason had come along...]. So, we're sitting there eating and a woman approaches the table who happens to be a 3rd grade teacher at Bryant Elementary, where I did my student teaching with Miles. She asks me if I have a job, I tell her, "No, I'm just subbing right now," and she says, "Oh, well you should come by the school because we are now classified as a STAR school [an "underperforming school...] which means that we now get a full-time, on-site sub. We haven't been able to find anyone yet to fill this postition, so you should come by and talk to the new principal."

Story short, I went to Bryant afterschool on Monday, talked to the new principal, and it looks like it MAY be a done deal. Initially, the principal wanted me to come by on Wednesday [today] to figure things out, but he called yesterday [Tuesday] morning saying that one of the release subs [teacher was on-site, but taking kids out all day for testing] hadn't shown up, and asked if I could come in. I did go in, and was in the same classroom all day - actually, it was the classroom of the woman who told me about the job - and I went back today, too.

So far, things have been weird. It's odd because no one really seems to know what I'm doing there, or what I should be doing while I'm there. Obviously, yesterday I was just like a regular sub, taking over a classroom for the whole day, but, that's not INITIALLY what the principal said that I would be doing on a regular basis. He said that I would have a set schedule, providing planning time throughout the week - an hour here and there - for, primarily, the K-3 teachers. He said that teachers who were absent would still get subs for their rooms so that my schedule wouldn't be interrupted. Well, today he actually told me that that may be wrong. Apparently he spoke to someone "in the know" who said that I WOULD be the first person to take over if a teacher took the day off. Certainly, I'm hoping for the former scenario because I just can't take being a regular sub anymore - I really can't. Even yesterday, filling in at the last minute in a class all day at a school that I'm quite familiar with, was taxing. Today, I wasn't really given much direction at all. I did send some folders through inter-school mail that contained cummulative records of students who have moved on to 6th grade this year, and I opened some boxes of teaching materials which I then distributed to the proper teachers. Oh, and I got to go around to each room and photograph the 3 students in each class who were named "Student of the Month" for September. That was actually kind of fun, and a good way to see all of the classrooms and good number of the kids.

In addition, I took it upon myself to assist with playground supervision during morning and lunch recesses. My reason for doing this was somewhat selfish: I wanted a chance to interact with this year's 1st graders who I had in Miles' Kindergarten class last year. Mission accomplished. I was immediately bowled over and covered in kids as the classes came out for recess. The girl with autism [!!] was there - she instantly ran to me, rubbing my shirt tail, and didn't want to leave me when recess was over.

In the afternoon, I ended up doing something that, I guess, the principal has been doing the past few weeks. I got to read from Stuart Little to the two 2nd grade classes in the school library - 25 minutes with each class [while one class was with me, the other was outside having P.E. time]. It went pretty well, but there were a couple of kids in the first class who weren't giving me "attentive listening". My hope, certainly, is that once the kids at the school start seeing me around on a regular basis that they will realize that I am a "real" teacher and that they have to listen to me. The principal has already made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want students sent to his office for behavior problems. Translation: I shouldn't have to deal with your problem children - deal with it yourself.

So, I'm not 100% sure that I've got the job, but a woman told me afterschool today that I would be getting my "regular schedule" tomorrow. Until I sign a contract, I'm not celebrating. One of the issues with hiring me was that I'm not bilingual. There are two classes at each grade level - one Spanish-bilingual, the other ELD [English Language Development]. The principal said that HE doesn't want another Spanish-speaking teacher to work with the kids because they really should work on their English skills, but a lot of the bilingual teachers wanted a bilingual sub so that that person could do lessons in Spanish with the kids. It looks, though, that most of the teachers are behind having me there because I'm me. Maybe I'll have celebratory news tomorrow.

I think that this job would be cool because I would get to work with classes only for a short time, including working one-on-one with some kids, and I wouldn't really have to take the job home with me. This would be good if I do indeed to start a Library and Media Sciences program next Summer or Fall. I could still be the on-site sub at Bryant, and take classes at night - hopefully. Yesterday, I talked afterschool with a woman from my program who was hired at Bryant as the 4th/5th grade teacher. She said that she's not sure how much longer she can take the whole job. "I'm here 10 hours a day. I'm coming in on weekends. NO ONE has set foot in this classroom to see how I'm doing - I feel completely alone. I keep thinking about the last job that I had and how it was SO MUCH less stressful and time consuming, and I was making about the same money. In addition, I'm becoming a completely NEGATIVE person who now believes that every potential parent should have to go through an extensive psychological screening process and sign a waiver saying that they will be the absolute BEST parents that they can possibly be to their kids. I'm seriously thinking that I may go back to school and become a nurse. I went to a new teacher training thing a couple of weekends ago and they said that a good number of new teachers have already quit, and it's only the 6th week of school..." Ugh. Yeah, that Library Sciences program is looking pretty good. Bryant has a part-time librarian and I asked her today if we could sit down and talk sometime. Hopefully, I can get the word from her about how much demand there is for librarians these days.

Monday I subbed at a school in Chinatown, and it was the EASIEST sub day that I've had. I was there, primarily, to help this school get ready for CELDT [California English Language Development Test] testing. This meant that I sat there, in the office, bubbling in students' names on testing booklets all day. Boring, but very zen. And, it was a good, low-key gig seeing as I've been feeling a bit sick lately. Oh, actually, I did go into a Spanish-bilingual Kindergarten classroom for 45 minutes while the teacher got trained on the testing procedures. The kids sat there the entire time coloring and cutting out scarecrows. It was my job to walk around with the holepunch and a box of brass fasteners [aren't brass fasteners just the coolest things ever?] so that the scarecrow could move around a bit. I'm telling you, this Kindergarten class was SILENT the entire time I was in there. SILENT. So silent that it was, honestly, somewhat disturbing. I wanted to walk over to the CD player and put some music on just for some noise, but I didn't know if the teacher normally had them listen to music while working at their tables.

Last week I subbed at another school in Chinatown in a Chinese-bilingual Kindergarten class. Not much to really say about the experience except it was OK. A couple of kids kept coming up to me and saying things in Chinese, and I couldn't really do anything for them except pitifully say, "I don't know what you are asking of me. I'm sorry..." Oh, and a kid in this class had some of the most toxic flatulence I have EVER had to smell. Honestly, a couple of times during the day I would walk past him and gag, like the smell was so thick that you could almost cut it with a dull object.

From the "bummer" file: I was helping a friend move last week and, at some point while moving his boxspring and mattress, I LOST MY WATCH. I loved that watch - I'd had it for 8 years or so. It was so great because it was simple and easy to read: black strap; silver-trimed [no gold jewelry!] face, with large, black, serifed numbers on a white background. I've had to carry my cell phone, set to "SILENT", in my pocket so that I would have the time with me at all moments. This weekend's main task: to find a new Timex. I've looked at the Times website, and these are the two that I've got my eye on:

20501

28071

I've got to tell you, at this point I'm leaning toward the 28071 - I like the white stitching on the band, and it may be time to go all "topsy-turvy" and have white numbers on a black background.