Tidbits

A few months ago, I mentioned to someone from high school, with whom I'm still in touch, that there was a woman [Robin] that we hung out with that I have been dying to get in touch with. Last time I talked to her was probably 10 years ago, and I was quite curious as to what she was doing these days. I mean, over the years, I've had night-dreams and daydreams about finally contacting her and our getting together for a drink to laugh over stories of the past. Well, the friend that I was talking to suggested that I sign up for the whole Classmates.com thing [I'm NOT linking to it because their banner ads are EVERYWHERE, and once you do sign up, THEY NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE] because she was certain that Robin was also signed up there and that if I listed myself then Robin would likely contact me. Sure enough, just a few days after signing up [really, classmates.com has not let up with the emails...] I got an email from Robin, and we ended up talking for a couple of hours a couple of days after that. We decided, while reconnecting, that we needed to reconnect with all of the friends that we hung out with in high school. We were a rag-tag band of misfits, and all agreed that high school was hell, but having such a fun and amazing social network/group made it so much more bearable. We had fun, we did crazy things, we drank together, we skipped school together, we went to concerts and movies together [oh, SO many movies - there was a theatre in a nearby town that had $1.00 movies... DOLLAR MOVIES!], we smoked together, we hung out at the beach at night together, we had parties, we listened to music, we "cruised" the mall, we danced at sockhops, we laughed, we cried, we fought, we almost got ourselves killed, we passed around "surveys" during Calculus class, we had a blast doing everything we did together. Robin and I decided that since this year is our 15th Year Reunion year and no one seems to be spearheading a formal Reunion that we would just have one ourselves with only the people from high school that we really cared about anyway. She's still living in Northwest Indiana, and I figured that a number of us would probably find our way back to Indiana for the holidays with family, so we should plan something for around Christmas. In order to get a thread going amongst all of us ["the gang"] where we could chat without having to send copious amounts of emails to each other, I started another blog where we could all post and send the recently contacted to catch up with all of the news. I thought it was a great idea, if I may say so myself, and other are impressed, but, so far, it isn't getting as much use as I would like. I mean, yeah, maybe others aren't online as much as I am [read: all day], but they could still open an email, accept an invitation to "join the blog", and start posting. I'm just hoping at this point that I'll have a teaching job in the Fall so that I can financially, and time-wise, afford to go back to Indiana for an event that I was instrumental in getting started.

Last week, I got together with a woman from my credential program over coffee [actually, I had a mocha and she had tea...]. The purpose was to commiserate over the teaching job search that we both find ourselves frustrated by. Actually, it was really great, because we spent the whole time [ok, we talked about Six Feet Under for a bit...] talking shop. We threw out possible Principal interview questions to each other - What is your classroom management style? Describe the Language Arts program in your classroom. How will you assess your students' learning? Etc. - and shared cool classroom ideas with each other that we had seen in our various respective classroom experiences. After sitting around feeling helpless and hopeless for a couple of weeks, sitting down with her and "talking teaching" made me feel productive and positive. The unsettling and screwed up thing that she told me, though, is that she heard from a reliable source that there won't actually be "central office/district" interviews for Multiple Subject [i.e. "Elementary", i.e. "little ol' me"] teacher candidates. Huh? I guess that means that the district is just going to start handing out our names to Principals and they will start contacting us directly if they are interested in interviewing us? It's all so frustrating. Trying to keep a postitive attitude, though. I've got to believe that I will have a classroom of my own this Fall.

Another thing that keeps me going is the Children's Book Project. I did some research and saw that I mentioned this place back in November, but it's SO worth talking about again. I KID YOU NOT, it's this place - which happens to be well within walking distance from our apartment! - where you go, sign your name and school that you teach at [I've been saying that I teach Kindergarten at Bryant... it was a hope for awhile...], and TAKE ALL OF THE CHILDREN'S BOOKS THAT YOU WANT... FOR FREE! It's the COOLEST thing in the whole darn world, and I'm not sure that many teachers really know about it. It's the pirate's booty for educators - boxes and boxes of new and used kids books of all kinds. I'm almost embarrassed to say that I've been there 7 or 8 times now - well, it's one of those things where I'm like, "Hmm. I have no money and nothing to do. Hey! Children's Book Project is open right now!" I'm even more embarrassed to say that I currently have a STACK of boxes and grocery bags on our back porch filled with, oh, a good 550-600 children's books. It's insane, but they're all FREE! Brian has officially stated that I am forbidden to go back there until I have my own classroom - the books are just starting to take up way too much space in our apartment. You know, I was worried for a long time that I would walk into my first classroom with absolutely nothing and no money to go out and buy stuff to put in it. But now, with Miles giving me a lot of stuff that he cleaned out of his room [scissors, paints, yarn, fabric, pencils, markers, crayons, lots&lots&lots of paperclips, rubberbands, pushpins, etc.], and an entire CLASSROOM LIBRARY, I'm feeling more prepared.

I'm going to miss Ken Jennings over the next 6 weeks [the current season ended yesterday...]. Even though he's a mormon, I got to like him over the course of his last 27 appearances.

I know this story about Natasha is making its way around the net through email and such, and you're probably all sick of hearing about it, but I still think that it's frighteningly amazing. It's like we're watching evolution happen right before our eyes. Whether anyone wants to believe it or not, we truly are just a couple of genes away from many other creatures/animals in this world. Brain damage?? Yeah, right.

Oh, and my younger brother [Jay] is doing a friggin' IRONMAN TRIATHLON tomorrow. A FULL Ironman Triathlon. That's a 2.4 mile swim, followed by a 112 mile bikeride, followed by a FULL MARATHON [26.2 MILES]. Best of luck, Jay. It blows me away that you would even consider taking part in such a thing. I truly admire you for it. There's certainly no way in hell I could EVER attempt ANYTHING remotely close to that... although, a 112 mile bikeride might be kind of fun... though grueling, I'm sure...

Still no job... but today was a good one

First off, I got up this morning and there was an episode of A Makeover Story on that I hadn't seen before.

After watching that, I did some yoga. Yeah, my yoga doing didn't end with the end of my class this Spring. I'm telling you, I wouldn't have believed it if you'd told me a year ago that in a year I'd be doing yoga on my own in my living room, but, this stuff REALLY WORKS. Instantly, I felt REINVIGORATED - like I haven't felt in weeks - and I only did about a half an hour of the stuff.

I showered, and still feeling all "alive", I decided that I needed to go out to a nearby park and get some sun [I've been getting a bit pale and sickly looking...]. I grabbed an old sheet, my water bottle, and the book that I've been reading [Salamandastron - the 5th book in the Redwall series - or, as Brian likes to call them: Mouse-y Tales...], and proceeded down the stairs. But, oh, the mail had come, and there on the steps was MY PACKAGE FROM GREECE!

[Background on the package from Greece: A few months ago I found out that one of my absolute favorite bands, The Blue Nile, was going to be releasing a new album this summer. Normally, this wouldn't be THAT exciting, except that the Blue Nile have only put out 3 albums [now 4] in the past 25 years, their last album appearing in 1996. I was SO giddy that I mentioned my excitement on a couple of music related bulletin boards that I frequent, and, a couple of weeks ago, received an email from a guy saying that he saw my post about the Blue Nile and that he works for the music label in Greece that is going to be distributing the new Blue Nile album. As a reward for my excitement, he decided to SEND ME A PROMOTIONAL COPY OF THE NEW ALBUM, A MONTH AND A HALF BEFORE IT IS RELEASED TO THE REST OF THE WORLD. I freaked out. This was the coolest thing. Damn, I love the internet. Back to the story...]

I grabbed the package, tore it open, out fell the NEW BLUE NILE ALBUM [!] [along with promo copies of the latest albums by Tim Booth, Elbow, and MORRISSEY - this Greece guy rocks!], so I grabbed it, along with a CD walkman and headphones, and headed out to a park a few blocks away. At the park, I found a nice spot in the grass under the sun, spread the blanket on the ground, pulled the walkman out of my bag, put the headphones on, and...

..there I sat, on a hill of freshly mowed grass, under a bright San Francisco sky; a bank of fog covering Twin Peaks so that only the tippy-top of Sutro Tower could be spied; bees dancing from flower to flower; a motley group of 20-somethings wearing Rasta hats and Bob Marley t-shirts "smoking up" a few yards away; and scattered homeless people and day-laborers taking naps in the shade of trees here and there. Yes, there I was, with headphones on, a huge smile on my face, wind whipping through my hair, a tear in my eye, taking in the sublime beauty of my first listen to "High" by the Blue Nile. Glorious.

6:45pm and I STILL feel invigorated. Yoga rocks.

Oh, and the day isn't over - we've still got Last Comic Standing and the BEST and MOST EXCITING SHOW on TV, Amazing Race, to watch. What an awesome day, huh?!

My self-confidence level is beginning to wane.

It's mentally and emotionally exhausting to sit around all day with nothing to do and everything on the line. Brian has been good during this time, but I can tell that he's starting to crack.

Yeah, I don't currently have a job, nor do I have anything yet lined up for the Fall.

I honestly just don't know what to do. I've hit a brick wall and I'm feeling kind of paralyzed. It's just that I've never had to do a job search at this level before. All of the jobs that I've had thus far have involved going into an establishment, asking for an application, filling it out, turning it in, waiting for a call, going in and filling out paperwork, and starting. This that I'm in right now is COMPLETELY different. For one thing, this is a CAREER JOB we're talking about here. This is the rest of my life that is on the line. AND, like I said, I've never had to look for a job of this caliber before. No one prepared me for this. This is the real world and no one ever told me what to do in it.

To make things worse, I'm looking for a job from an organization that isn't kept afloat by customer sales. Everything they do, and the number of the people that they hire, is determined by government funding. Funding from a government that, maybe you've noticed, is a bit screwed up at the moment and has its priorities mixed up. In addition, teachers are only needed when there are kids to be taught. I've heard from more than one person "on the inside" that parents and their kids are fleeing this city in droves because it's way to expensive to raise a family here. [Heck, I know exactly what their talking about. We've barely keeping afloat and we're only supporting ourselves and two cats.] Less kids in the city means less teachers in the city. I feel like I have provided San Francisco Unified School District [SFUSD] with everything that they have asked for up to this point. Until they contact me with more information, I'm not 100% sure what else I can do. They did send out a rather insulting email a month ago that said:

Greetings.

Our records indicate that you applied to our Multiple Subject credentialed teacher pool earlier this year. Our District is currently establishing a list of available applicants. We are extending an opportunity for you to respond to our recruitment efforts.

If you are still interested in a teaching position with our District, please reply to this email. If you do not respond, we will assume you are no longer interested in SFUSD and remove you from our eligible pool of applicants.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?! "We are extending an opportunity to our recruitment efforts"?? Well, I was pretty damn sure that I "responded to your recruitment efforts" TWO MONTHS AGO. And, at that time, you said that there would be district interviews at the end of May... and that date came and went without a word. Now you want to send out a casual email asking if I'm STILL INTERESTED IN A TEACHING POSITION?!

Well, of course I jumped when they asked me to jump and promptly responded to the affirmative. A few weeks later they sent out another email asking for a sample lesson plan which we would have to implement at a central office interview on a day to be determined. I complied [I submitted a lesson plan that I have done before with a class where we read a story called "The Letter" from Frog and Toad Are Friends. In the story, Toad is upset because he never gets any mail - so, in my lesson, we, as a class, compose a letter to Toad that will make him feel better.], and have yet to hear another word. To add insult to injury, I heard from a friend who is also going through the same "recruitment" hell that WE WON'T HAVE A CENTRAL OFFICE INTERVIEW. Ok, now I'm really paralyzed.

Not to mention, I'm scared shitless about getting a teaching job anyway. This was the feeling that prompted me to not finish the teaching program that I was in at Indiana University 11 years ago - that old self-esteem and self-confidence problem that has plagued me all my life.

SO, I'm at a standstill. I need a job, but it's like applying at a bunch of colleges and hearing back immediately from the ones that are really your second tier choices. Of course, the one that you really want to hear from is dragging its heels, and the ones that you would only go to if you didn't get into your first choice are saying, "Yeah, we want you! But you have to let us know ASAP." I could start applying to preschools [Am I underqualified to work at a preschool? Am I overqualified to work at a preschool?] for the Fall, but what if one of them wants me and I suddenly hear from SFUSD? Paralyzed.

Speaking of preschools, I called and emailed the Marin Day Schools about being a Summer substitute a couple of months back. EVENTUALLY, I got a message from a woman saying that they usually don't have much need for subs over the summer. Well, I called and emailed back at least 5 times to talk to the woman about the possibility and she never gave me a nod back. Whatever. Frustrating.

I went to a temp agency a couple of weeks ago to look at temp work [yuck]. They are looking into a possible mailroom/copy job they may have available soon. It's work that is probably well beneath me, and I would feel like a total moron taking it, but it would be work - hopefully low stress work. I just know that I will feel completely inferior to everyone in the office while I'm there. Like, "Look at that moron who's making copies and filing mail for us. Doesn't have any skills or higher aspirations in life??" I also applied, today, for a "telephone interviewer" job. I figured that I have a nice telephone voice [a "radio voice" as a friend's mother once said], could probably dress however I wanted [it's a TELEPHONE job - who's going to see me??], and could quit at a moment's notice when I finally got a teaching job of some sort.

Yeah, I'm petrified, lost, and feeling low, but I still hold hope that I will be teaching SOMEWHERE come September.