Today was: Really Good

This afternoon, I was walking to the teachers' lunchroom to get some water when one of the after-school teachers said, "Oh, you must be 'Teacher Eric'." She said that last week she had the kids draw pictures of things they liked at school, and then they dictated to adults what the pictures were about. One girl in my class [who goes to after-school] apparently drew a picture of me and dictated "I like Teacher Eric because he smells nice." I've got to put that one on my resume.

The girl who said that I smell nice is a little gem - a brilliant little gem. She's the TINIEST little thing, but she's SO bright and she's SO adult. Today, it was her "Special Day" so she got to do all of the calendar stuff ["What month is it? What day of the week is it? If yesterday was the 29th, then that makes today ____? What is the weather like outside? Etc.] and she NAILED IT ALL. At one point, after she said that today was Tuesday, Miles said, "Oh, and you knew that it was Tuesday because you noticed that there was an empty space under "Tuesday" where the 30 should go, right?" She looked up at him squarely, put her hands on her hips, and declared, "NO! I just KNOW!" Similarly, when she was asked how she knew some other fact she pointed at her temple and said, "I know because it's in here." Priceless. Another great thing about her is that she speaks Chinese and has been speaking to the girl with autism in Chinese when she just won't listen to us.

Speaking of which... The girl with autism continues to do quite well. Funny, apparently the fact that there is a girl with autism in our class seems to be making its way around to the other Student Teachers at school. I've had 3 people ask me in the past week how it is with her in the room. THANKFULLY, I can now say that she's making progress. Today, during Math time when we were working on a couple of math book pages ["Circle the shape that is divided into 3 equal parts."] together on the rug, she sat right next to me and circled all of the right things. Yeah, she threw her pencil across the room half a dozen times, but she was following along with a concept that I thought was going to be too difficult for even the most attentive kids in the room. You've just got to reward the positive behavior, and TRY to ignore the negative behavior. Her worst time seems to be just the end of the day at this point. It's like she's given her all for most of the day and by the last hour she just needs to zone out and do somersaults instead of paying attention. And, this afternoon, she WAS, literally, doing somersaults around the room.

Miles and I stayed after school until 5:15 today. "Why so late?" I hear you ask. Well, today was the last day of the "Look at Us!" theme, and tomorrow starts the "Colors All Around" theme - so, a lot of stuff around the room had to be switched out - posters, books, charts, etc. [One of the books we read a couple of weeks ago was called Mice Squeak, We Speak and talked about the various noises that different animals make. We had the text of the book written out on a long piece of butcher paper, and students could paint pictures in the Art Center of their favorite animal in the story. I painted a sheep as a model for the kids. Since the theme has just ended, we took the butcher paper down today and I got to bring my sheep home. I just put it on the refrigerator - Brian's going to love seeing that...] Also, after school, Miles showed me, step-by-step, how he plans each week. THIS is the stuff that I really revel in getting to see - these are the mysteries of teaching that I need help solving. I mean, I could come up with fun things for the kids to do all day, but, they wouldn't necessarily be related or have a logical progression, and I wouldn't be able to tell you WHY I thought the kids should be doing them.

The girl in the wheelchair is a spoiled brat. Oh, don't be shocked by my frankness - even her MOMS have readily admitted that their daughter is a spoiled brat. Today, out at afternoon recess, I heard her screaming so I ran over to her to see what was wrong. "SHE TOOK MY MAT!!!" Turns out, she decided that she wanted to be out of her chair and on a comfy mat on the ground for recess - she decided this AFTER she had already told someone that they could put the mat back in the room for her. I ran into the room, got the mat, brought it out to her, looked at her and said, "You CAN'T scream like that. When you scream it makes people think that you are hurt or in danger." So, I put the mat on the ground and was briskly told that it was in the wrong place. After moving it so that the girl was satisfied, I helped her out of her chair and onto the ground. "I want to be on my knees! Put me on my knees!" "Ok, you CAN'T talk to me like that. If you would like me to move you in a certain way, you HAVE to ask nicely." She asked nicely, so I began to shift her around. Now, I've got to say that she isn't the smallest kindergartener - she's a big girl and kind of heavy. It was also difficult because I wasn't sure if I was hurting her (and I'm not even sure if she could've told me if one of her legs was oriented in a way that it shouldn't) and she kept screaming, "That's not how my mom does it!" I gently rubbed her arms and coolly said to her, "It's ok. Calm down. You're getting frustrated and I'm here to help you. You have to explain to me how your mom does it if you want me to sit you a certain way." Eventually, I got her oriented the way that she wanted and we both went about our business. I couldn't get too mad at her because when she came into the room this morning she handed me an envelope which contained a picture of me which she had drawn. I was wearing a purple shirt, yellow pants, and orange shoes. How can you dislike a brat who dresses you like that?

Today was: Good

An average day all around, really. I did find out, however, that one of my favorite kids (I know I'm not supposed to have favorites, but...) has moved. Actually, it's a student that I've spoken about here before - the girl who didn't think much of her abilities in the first couple of weeks of school, but soon started coming out of her shell. She was the one who didn't think that she could draw at all but a few weeks ago was drawing with chalk all over the playground. She was great, and I'm really going to miss her. The encouraging thing, as I told Miles, is that she definitely made progress in even the short amount of time that she was in our classroom.

One of my fellow Student Teachers from SFSU walked into my class mid-way through the morning. She said that her kids were at recess and that she had the class on her own today - I guess her teacher was assessing their students OUT of the classroom, and there wasn't a substitute teacher in the room with her. I casually mentioned that this is INCREDIBLY ILLEGAL [there has to be an authorized teacher in the room at all times - Student Teachers don't qualify as authorized teachers], but secretly wished that I could be given the same opportunity. At my seminar last Thursday night a lot of the other Student Teachers were saying that their teachers left them with the class all the time - Miles has NEVER left me alone with the kids and I feel like it would do me good to be so completely put in charge. As it is right now, it's kind of like being in Driver's Education and having to drive a car that has a second brake on the passenger side - so, you get to turn the wheel and all, but you know that your instructor ULTIMATELY still has the power. Now, I'm not SO self-conscious (for a change) to think that it is because Miles doesn't trust me. Really, I think he's reluctant to give up the class because he has control issues. It's his classroom and he does things the way that he wants them done - I can't fault him for this because I know that when I have my own classroom I'm going to want things just so. WELL, this is all very coincidental because after school today Miles said, "I've got a big favor to ask you. Can you come in on Friday afternoon and take over the class for the last hour of the day?" His sister is getting married this weekend (I guess his family lives around Yosemite) and he wants to get an early start getting out of town. He says that he's going to ask this one woman at school to be the "official" person to take over the class, but I should have the place all to myself. The parents are away and I've got a set of keys to the car in the garage...

On the subject of being self-conscious: "Look out, kids, there's a new book in the Listening Center! It's Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?, and, because Miles couldn't find a copy of it on audiotape, it's read by ME!" After school today, I was given a rickety tape recorder, a porcelin bell to tinkle between pages ["When you hear THIS noise (tinkle tinkle tinkle), turn the page!"], and then told to give it my all. I sat there for a good 10 minutes with my finger on the Play/Record buttons, hoping that Miles would leave the room... He didn't, and I got through it with my dignity firmly intact. When I finished, Miles said, "You're going to be glad you did that because when the kids hear YOUR voice on the tape they'll think it's the COOLEST thing in the world." Hey, I do what I can for the kids.

I don't think I've mentioned that we got a new student [boy] early last week, and a new student [girl] late last week. The girl is PAINFULLY shy, and I'm not sure that she can even spell/write her own name. The boy, on the other hand, seems to be acclimating quickly - I suppose this is because he was put in the bi-lingual 1st grade class and it was decided that he should do kindergarten again in English [long story, and I'm not really clear on the details]. He is actually the second kid in the class to repeat kindergarten - we have one girl who had Miles last year. Last week, the school nurse (who, ridiculously, is only on-site ONCE A WEEK) came into the room after school and asked Miles how this little girl was doing with her glasses. Miles said, "Well, I know that it was decided late last year that she should have glasses, but her parents never got around to getting her any, and now she's living with her grandmother and she doesn't seem to be getting on it either." It just makes you want to go up to her parents and grandmother and politely scream, "Maybe your grand/daughter is doing poorly in school BECAUSE SHE CAN'T SEE WHAT WE'RE WORKING ON!" Parents are going to be the death of me, I just know it.

Alright, stop reading this and GO WATCH THIS... NOW!

Last night I had a dream in which the girl with autism spoke. I don't remember what she said, but I remember that it was three short words. When I woke up, I couldn't get it out of my head how bizarre it is that I don't know what her voice sounds like. I've been around her for 15 days or so, 5 hours each day, and I can't even fathom if her voice is high or low or rich or light because she has yet to say anything. It's just a very odd thing to think about... if you think about it.

So, yesterday was good. I actually didn't feel as exhausted at the end of the day as I have the past few weeks. I just had a royal headache, instead. Since I'm on the topic of the girl with autism, during Calendar time [talking about what day it is, month it is, how many days we've been in school so far, what the weather is like, etc.] I sat on the rug between the girl with CP [in the wheelchair] and the girl with autism. The girl in the wheelchair motioned to me and I noticed that she had snot coming out of her nose. So, I got up and walked over to get her a tissue. After sitting back down, the girl with autism showed me her index finger, which she had just pulled from her nose, and it was wet. SO, I asked her if she needed a tissue and her response was to forcefully blow air through her nose, causing a good amount of snot to shoot out onto her upper lip. I took that as a "Yes". When I brought a tissue back to her, she wiped her nose and then offered it back to me - I showed her where to throw it away. On the way back to sit down, she blew snot out of her nose AGAIN and I quickly realized that she intended this to be a game - a disgusting game that I didn't feel like playing. I got her another tissue and told her that she wasn't going to get anymore - she looked over and saw that the tissue box had mysteriously disappeared.

Last week, the kids all laid down on sheets of butcher paper and got their body outlines traced. This week, the goal was to have each kid paint in the outlines making them look as much like themselves as possible. Well, who knew that each kid would take SO long? Only 6 have finished theirs so far - but, I took a couple kids out yesterday morning during the sacred "Houghton Mifflin Reading Program" time... a TOTAL no-no. Because so few kids had gotten the opportunity to paint themselves, and because the Look At Us! theme is coming to an end, Miles made the executive decision to let kids be taken out during this time. Well, at one point, I walked back into the room [we're taking them outside to do this - the classroom has two big doors that lead outside...] to get some more Peach paint and who should walk in the room with "Houghton Mifflin Reading Program" checklist in hand but the PRINCIPAL [yes, the Principal actually has to go from room to room with a checklist making sure that this reading program is implemented every day to the "T"]. Busted. Immediately, I closed the doors, leaving them only open a crack so that we weren't locked out, but, sure enough, the Principal must have heard the scratching of paint brushes on butcher paper because he stuck his head out to have a look-see. Busted. HOWEVER, to our great amazement, the checklist that the Principal left behind for Miles made no mention of the two kids that weren't being introduced to the letter "Vv". I'm sure that we've now ruined their chances of getting into the college of their choice...

One of the kids that I took out so that he could paint his outline has an UNBELIEVEABLE amount of energy. I mean, this kid speaks at MAXIMUM VOLUME at all times and is so constantly WIRED that he always has beads of sweat on the bridge of his nose. Not surprisingly, this kid's approach to painting is quite like his approach to speech - WAHHHH! Not only did he use copious AMOUNTS of paint, he ended up using EVERY COLOR AVAILABLE. I thought that the red and purple striped shirt that he painted on himself was nice, but apparently he felt that it should have GREEN polka dots, ORANGE striped sleeves, and BLACK arm pits. His BLUE pants ended up getting YELLOW splotches, and his face got PINK and GREEN chicken pocks. I told him that he should try to make it look like himself as much as possible, but he just seemed to be having too much fun. Plus, I really didn't want to stiffle this kid's creative impulses - heck, he could be the next Haring or Pollock.

I'll save the more serious topics for tomorrow.

OH, even though it is Friday, I went over to school for the last hour of the day today because the kids were getting a "Kindness Party" and I just couldn't miss it. At the end of every day, Miles asks the kids to reflect on the day and come up with things that they "appreciate" from the day - whether it be things that they liked doing or were meaningful, or nice things that people did for them or said to them. For each thing that the kids mention he puts a small amount of beans into a jar, and, when the jar is full they get to have a party. Well, they filled up the jar this week so they got pizza and apple juice, and got to watch a "Country Mouse, City Mouse" video. At the end of the day today, one of the kids said that they appreciated that they got to have a party, so, the Kindness Jar is already starting to fill up again. After school, I ended up hanging around, helping Miles get things together for next week, until 4:30. It was my day off and I went in anyway. How dedicated am I??

Today was: Darn Good

This should tide you over until tomorrow...

Today was: Picture Day (oh, and QUITE GOOD)

Yep, today was picture day at school, and no one asked me if I wanted to get my picture taken. True, I HATE getting my picture taken, but I would've at least liked to have been ASKED if I wanted to get my picture taken. While the kids were lining up to get THEIR pictures taken, I was given the job of laminating and cutting out some animal shapes (ones that I had colored, to perfection, after school yesterday) that some students eventually sorted ["Farm", "Jungle" or "House"?] at at the Science center during Choice Time. OK, I DID get to be in the WHOLE CLASS photo, but I kind of wanted an 8"x10" and some wallet-sized photos to hand out. I even wore a green shirt today because I've been told that green brings out the color in my eyes...

Miles had a bad day. When everyone had finally left (students, parents) at the end of the day, he walked over to a bench in the Art Center, sat down, and put his head in his hands for a couple of minutes. I guess it's just all coming to a head for him: the whole situation with the girl with autism, the whole situation with the girl with CP (who's in a wheelchair) and the power struggle that continues between her moms and therapists and para and special ed teachers ("I'm SICK of babysitting ADULTS!" he said of the situation), and the MANDATORY Houghton-Mifflin (Nazi regime) reading program. I said to him, "Well, the day wasn't all THAT bad. I mean, if it helps, I had a good day." To this he replied, "SEE! That's what I mean. I'm SO busy dealing with all of this other crap that I didn't even notice that you had a good day." He said (and this echoes things that I've written here) that he's so focused on the needs of one or two students (and their mothers and therapists and special ed teachers, etc.) that he can't make his rounds to ALL of the other students. Coincidentally, my supervisor mentioned yesterday that it sometimes comes down to a "Numbers Game" - you've got ONE student who is constantly disruptive and craves attention, but you've got NINETEEN others that are doing what they're supposed to be doing. If you spend all of your time on the ONE student, then the NINETEEN others are getting short-changed. You have to, ultimately, give the bulk of your energy and attention to the bigger number.

Ok, I was going to omit this fact about picture day, but I feel, in the interest of fairness, that you should be privy to it: Miles didn't get his picture taken either. The reason that he didn't get his picture taken, though, was because it was a hectic and crazy day and he just never got around to it. I was ready for my close-up all day.

Today was: Really Good

Yeah, today was definitely on the GOOD side. Funny how the days that end up being the best are the ones that are initially shrouded in the most anxiety. My supervisor came today, and, I refused to let myself freak out and get all worried. There is a woman from New College doing observation in a 1st grade classroom and at lunch today she said that today was the day that her supervisor was coming, too. She seemed a bit frazzled and freaking out and I turned to her and I said, "What worked for me last time was to erase the adults from the classroom - just don't even think about them while you are doing your lesson. Oh, and teach to the KIDS, not the supervisor." I followed my own advice today and it went pretty swimmingly. Yeah, there were a few kids who were fidgety, and a few moments where I really thought that I was losing control, but, I didn't panic and got everything back on track - I was really amazed with myself.

The lesson itself that I did involved how we (the class) are alike and different. I began by calling 3 girls up to the front of the room and then said to the rest of the students, "These three all have something in common. They are all alike in a way that I am thinking. Who thinks they can choose someone else from the rug that would fit in with this group - a person that is just like the ones standing up here." What I was getting at was that they were all girls, so if a student said that a boy could go stand at the front of the room I said, "No, that person isn't the same as the people standing here - at least, in the way that I was thinking." I repeated the activity using hair color and then ethnicity (the kids that I called up were all Chinese). I must admit, I was a bit uncomfortable with the last one (ethnicity), and, when a student said that the 5 students standing up were alike because "they all have the eyes", I thought I was going to pass out. I quickly launched into (what I felt was) "clean up mode" and said things like, "Yes, their families, at one point in time, all came from China... um... Asia. My family came from both Germany and Hungary. Um, families come from all over..." Whew. After that, I paired everyone up and instructed them to find one way that they were alike, and one way that they were different (from their partner). Some of the kids clearly aren't comfortable talking with certain other kids, so I had to step in on a couple of pairs and offer some hints ["What about your shirts, are they the same color?" "Well, you're a boy and she's a girl." - Yeah, that last one was a bit MORE than just a hint...]. Then we came back together as a class and on chart paper with the headings "We ALL Have It", "SOME of Us Have It", and "ONE of Us Has It", we plugged ideas in where appropriate ["Ok, you guys found out that you both have brown eyes. Now, does EVERYONE in the class have brown eyes? No, of course not. Does only one person in the room have brown eyes? No, again. So, we can say that SOME of us have brown eyes."]. THEN, after that, I had a graph with two columns ["Wears Shoes That Lace Up" & "Wears Shoes That Buckle or Slip On"] and students had to put a sticker in the appropriate column. When all of the stickers were adhered (and after some minor chaos - I'm pretty sure that I confused them with my instructions...) we compared the columns ["So, which one has more stickers? Yeah, more people are wearing shoes that buckle or slip on. Does that mean that those people are better than those who have shoes that lace up? No way, some people like shoes that lace while others like shoes that buckle or slip on. And, from this graph you can see that we are all alike because we are all wearing shoes, but we are different because we are wearing shoes that are different..."]. The End.

Once again, my supervisor had nice things to say (whew) and even offered some valuable suggestions. I think that I've mentioned before that I'm not all that great with suggestions (I took a poetry writing class in college and thought, "Who are these people to tell me what to change! They don't know me or what state of mind I was in when I wrote this..."), but, HONESTLY, the things she mentioned were all things that I really could use some help with. I am a fallible human being, and the advice of others is valuable. [My new mantra.]

The girl with autism had another really good day - it's amazing how far she's come in just a couple of weeks. Every day so far this year the kids have been introduced to a new letter of the alphabet [today was T t] and Miles will hold up cards with the capital version on one, and the lowercase version on the other. He'll then say, "Point to the big T. Now, point to the little t." Today, the girl was pointing along with everyone else. Pretty darn cool. Oh, and everyone got to trace someone elses body outline on a big sheet of butcher paper, and she totally participated. OH, and during Math time, Miles had the kids lay down and form shapes with their bodies and SHE LOVED IT. Let's hope the worst is WAY FAR behind us...

After school I went with Miles to a couple of meetings. One was a "Business Meeting" where the teachers and Principal talked about a student mentor program that goes on at the school (basically, kids in grades 3-5 go through conflict resolution training and then "patrol" the playground at recess and help to solve conflicts), and starting up a compost program. It sounds boring, but I found it pretty interesting. THEN, the Principal left and the teachers had a Union meeting. When Miles and I got back to the classroom I said, "The Union meeting ROCKED." He thought that I was joking, but I really thought that it was COOL to hear the gripes of public school teachers - after all, they will inevitably become my gripes and I should start finding out what I'm in for.

Miles and I ended up staying at school until 5:15 - there was a lot of prep for tomorrow since we're starting a week on "Country Mouse and City Mouse" and the differences and similarities between where people (and animals) live. While coloring in animal shapes and making mouse masks, we agreed to talk about anything BUT school stuff.

We're going to be making a scrapbook and everyone in class will have their own page. When I got home tonight I rifled through drawers trying to find pictures and other (flat) objects that would be suitable for my page. I came across photos from my FIRST Student Teaching experience, 10 years ago. Boy, I look young. And, really, I was young. But, that is a topic for another day...

Today was: OK

I never actually woke up this morning. I don't know what is wrong with me, but ALL DAY I just couldn't get out of a physical funk - seriously, I had zero energy. Even right now, it's difficult for me to focus, and, although you can't tell, I'm making way more typing errors than usual. I'm going to blame the heat - the unbelievable heat. Why is it so freakin' HOT? I moved out to San Francisco because I heard the weather was a temperate 75 degrees year-round. Not so. Ok, I just went to WebMD and I think that I am experiencing "heat exhaustion" - fatigue, excessive thirst, confusion, dizziness, drenching sweats... yep, that's me.

SO, I'm going to keep this relatively short - not really that much to report today, anyway. I sat in while Miles did a CRA Assessment which consisted of finding out whether or not a student knows their letters, if they know what sounds the letters made, if they are familiar with the "Concepts of Print" ["Point to the cover of the book. Point at the words as I read them."], word segmentation ["I'm going to say some letter sounds. Can you put them together to form a word? Here we go: B - OA - T."], rhyming, and some "sight words" ["at", "the", "like", etc.]. Miles was great about letting the girl knew before they started that if she didn't know the answer to a question that she should just say "I don't know" - "Don't be afraid to say that you don't know something. I'm a teacher and it's my job to find out what you don't know and then teach it to you."

What I would really like to do right now is to just lie down and take a nap, BUT my SFSU supervisor is coming again tomorrow, and I have to get together the lesson plan for what I will be doing while she is in the room. Plus, I have to copy and paste all of the blog entries that are of relevance to Student Teaching [I don't think she cares to hear about the new David Bowie album, or about the season premiere of Everwood] into a Word document that I can give to her. Oh, and I have to call my father because it is his birthday today [Happy Birthday, Dad!]. AND, I have to get all of this done before the season premiere of Fear Factor. See, I can prioritize.

THIS is just SO brilliant to me on SO many levels. The kids' pictures, and the comments from the writer, are genius.

I've often wondered if I could somehow incorporate the music that I like (The Cure, New Order, Cocteau Twins, Underworld, etc.) in my classroom. Like in the article above, I can remember being asked to draw along to music in elementary school art class. Sure, back then we painted to Holst and Mozart, but why not have my kindergarteners sketch along to some Bjork or Bowie?

Thursday... what happened on Thursday...

I suppose the best thing that happened was the Senses lesson that I did. Slowly, VERY slowly, I'm doing more and more, small things here and there. Miles had asked me if I wanted to lead the class in the reading of a poem on the five senses, and then a discussion about what our senses are and what they do for us. I was a bit tired in the morning, but when it was time for me to be in the spotlight... I was ON. It went really well, with my trying to be as animated and goofy as possible while asking such things as, "What are some things that you like to smell? What are some BAD smells? [One student actually said, "Poop." I think I said something like, "Yes... it does.", and moved quickly on...] What things taste good? [I mentioned my penchant for COTTON CANDY.] What things taste really bad?" The kids got into it, and we ended with them drawing pictures of things that their hands help them do. My model for this activity was "My hands are for TYPING" - I had the realization that I really like to type, because I think that I'm pretty fast and pretty accurate. To be silly I said, "I NEED my hands to type with. I mean, I suppose that I could type with my feet [here I lifted my leg up and pretended to type with my feet] but it would be kind of difficult. Oh, and I could always type with my nose [I pretended to peck on a keyboard with my face][insert laughter from children here] but that might take a long time. So, it's really good that I have hands to type with..." Miles seemed pleased.

The girl with autism had another stellar day - a couple of moments under tables, but, overall, a really good day for her. Some special education woman stopped in to see how things were going with her - coincidentally, it was during one of the girl's outbursts. I walked over to turn on the video camera [to begin recording the tantrum] when the special ed. woman said, "Oh, I'm about to pick her up and bring her over to the rest of the class. Don't record this." So, we're expected to use physical force with her when she refused to obey, but this woman doesn't want her hand on the girl to be on record. Uh huh. Interesting...

In the afternoon, during Math time, the kids came over and sat cross-legged on the rug so that we could do a page from their "math books" together. It was SO cute to see them all, with books open to the proper page, pencils in hand, all facing the front and awaiting instructions. They just all looked so SCHOLARLY - it was as if they were taking this so seriously because it was what they thought school was really supposed to be like all the time.

Last night, Brian and I went to see the Cinema Electronica program of this year's ResFest [a digital filmmaking festival] at the Palace of Fine Arts. It started at 10pm, so I was falling asleep before the thing even going. The thing that we went to see is a collection of "electronica" videos that have cool digital components - whether they be shot digitally, are entirely computer generated, or have elements that have been digitally altered. One of my favorites was for the song "The Dumbing Down of Love" by Frou Frou [whose name I ASSUME is a Cocteau Twins reference...]. I've searched the net for a copy of this video so that you would know what I'm talking about, but, alas, it is nowhere to be found. In short, I think they shot footage of the vocalist singing, and then overlaid A BUNCH of tiny circles and ovals in various shades of red which suggested the image beneath - very impressionistic. I've got to say though (contrary to my anti-MTV VIDEO AWARDS rant from a few weeks back...) that I think the video got me because the SONG got me. I just kept thinking, "Ok, it's as if someone sat down and said, 'Let's write a song that has all of the elements in it which would make Eric swoon his ass off...'" We're talking: breathy female vocals, gentle piano, light electronic textures, building tension, and SWELLING STRINGS. Yeah, you've got me. Naturally, when the show was over, both Brian and Joe RAILED on that song. Alright, I'll give them that the line "Music is worthless, unless it can make a complete stranger break down and cry" is really cheesy - ok, REALLY cheesy - but, I have a healthy appetite for cheese.

I watched the season finale of ED repeated the other night. I teared up at the end... AGAIN. I don't care what ANYONE says, it's a really good show - one that charms the pants off me, and makes me laugh out loud, EVERY week.

Oh, and can you believe that they snuffed out Colin (a.k.a. "Coma Boyfriend") in the first couple minutes of the season premiere of Everwood?!? My jaw was on the floor in disbelief until Brian got home and I yelled out, "They killed off Coma Boyfriend!!"

Today was: Pretty DARN good

Oh, dear reader, you must get used to the idea of not finding out about Thursday's events until sometime on Friday. Thursdays are the end of my Student Teaching week (a.k.a. "the onset of exhaustion"), the nights when I have my seminar down at State from 4:30 - 7pm, and (Season Premiere TONIGHT) SURVIVOR nights.

Today was: GOOD

I'm home early today because Miles had a doctor's appointment right after school. I can watch Oprah!

SO, today was a weird day - weird because I felt like I wasn't really a part of the class all day. The reason for this was because I had to act as documentarian - we had a video camera so that we could tape the girl with autism's WILD behavior. IRONICALLY, today she was a freakin' angel. Seriously, this was her best day so far, sitting with the group at the right times, jumping around with everyone else when we were playing a Gingerbread Man game ["Jump, jump as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man. Clap, clap as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man." You get the idea...], she nicely cracked open an egg to contribute to the gingerbread cookie dough we were making, she sat at her table and did her work when she was supposed to, etc. A perfect little angel. However, I had to sit behind the camera all day, recording her NOT acting like she normally does, while the class events went on with out me. It sucked. I wanted to sit with the group and jump around and pour the vanilla into the cookie dough and sit at a table and help kids with their work. We're going to tape again tomorrow [hopefully, someone else will be forced to be cameraperson] and see if the girl's good day was a fluke or something.

I don't know if you remember a little girl in class that I've mentioned before - she's just beautiful, and when I spoke about her before I said that she had self-esteem issues. Well, this girl has ALREADY come a long way. Out at recess today she handed me a piece of sidewalk chalk and said, "Let's draw people". She started hers and I said to her, "Um, I seem to remember SOMEone who, just a few weeks ago, kept saying, 'I can't draw people!' And, now she's drawing people like crazy! Do you know who I'm talking about?" She smiled and then asked if she could help me draw my person. What a doll.

A new student starts tomorrow. Apparently the kid isn't transferring, his parents just haven't put him in school until now - I would call this bad parenting. Yeah, it's only the fourth week of school, but it's kindergarten and he really should've gotten acclimated with the rest of the kids. Miles said that he hates it when kids start the school year late and I joked, "Why, because he could potentially be a 'bad kid' virus that would infect all of the other kids who have already been broken in?" Miles said that I was pretty much right. Oh, yes, I'm learning.

I keep forgetting to mention the Teacher's Lounge/Lunchroom. It's, honestly, one of my favorite places in the school because it's like The War Room or something. It's like getting to go backstage at the circus or walking through a film set. Behind The Scenes you get to hear teachers complain about the reading program they have to do, about kids who are getting on their nerves ["Oh, you have ___? Yeah, she's a REAL handful..."], about rude things students have said, about the boring meetings they have to attend, about the lousy days they are having, etc. It's also the place where you get to hear teachers talk about the kids they love, about the successful lessons they have just taught, about the hilarious things kids have said, about how the advice of another teacher was valuable, and about how even though they are stressed to the max and work long hours and take care of their own kids at home they can't imagine doing anything else with their lives.

On my way home from school I had to drop off a roll of film for Miles - I had taken pictures of all of the kids so that we could make a class scrapbook. As I was approaching Walgreens a woman [who looked a bit drug-addled and homeless] approached me and asked if I could buy some rolls of toilet paper for her. When I asked her why she needed me to do it she replied that she has been banned from the store. Initially I just looked at her and said, "Oh, just come on in with me. Do you really think that they'll recognize you?" She said that she's had repeated "run-ins" with the security guard. I just kind of laughed and then walked into the store, intending to take care of my business and then leave. Well, I started thinking, "Come on. She just wants some toilet paper - what's the big deal?" [I'm just SO used to walking past people who are asking for money and saying "Sorry".] So, I walked back outside, she gave me $1.50 to buy 3 rolls [it was on sale for 39 cents a roll], and I walked back in and got her her toilet paper. It took an extra minute or two, and when I walked back out and handed her her 3 rolls of toilet paper and left-over quarter [the total was $1.27 and I spotted her 2 cents], she said that I must be an angel [strangely, she was reading aloud from REVELATIONS in the bible when I gave her the stuff...]. Take a moment out of your day, folks, and buy a stranger a roll of toilet paper - it feels good.

Today was: STRESSFUL

I realize that most of what I write here regarding Student Teaching revolves around the girl with autism, and that, in a nutshell, is the problem. I feel like what I do most of the day (I know I mentioned this yesterday, but bear with me...) is watch after her, and make sure that she is AT LEAST not harming herself, other kids, or classroom objects. Today was nightmarish.

Let's start at the beginning. You know all that stuff that I wrote yesterday about "I'm going to go in and tell the substitute that I'm going to handle everything all day"? When I walked in to the classroom this morning, Miles was talking with this woman like they were old friends. Turns out, the sub worked at Bryant part-time last year doing som art/drama stuff, and is the Patron Saint of the school. ALL of the other teachers in the building, upon seeing her, ran over, embraced her and asked how she had been doing. As she was looking over the sub notes that Miles had left, she seemed like SHE wanted to run the day, and I would only get to do the things that Miles had specifically noted that he wanted me to do. SO, when the kids showed up, I immediately went into hyperdrive and took charge. "Good morning, everyone. After you put away your coats and backpacks, be sure and answer the Question of the Day ["Who plays with you at home?"]. Then, go to your tables, take out your Browsing Boxes and read through the books you chose yesterday... Ok, put everything away and come to the rug. Let's go over the Question of the Day and the Buzz Book. Let's talk about "beginning sounds" [this particular activity went horribly...] ..." As I was about to let the kids know where they were all going to go for Workshop Time [almost an hour after the kids walked in the door] the sub piped up and said, "Um, Eric, before we do that can I introduce myself?" Oops. I guess that I was a bit over-eager to take charge...

Mid-way through the morning, I look up and see the girl with autism with a pencil clenched in her fist, running from table to table, scribbling FURIOUSLY all over the place. After wrenching the pencil from her fist, she ran to another table, grabbed another pencil, and continued scribbling. After we hid all of the pencils and pencil containers she picked up a red marker and began FURIOUSLY scribbling with it all over the tables. SHE EVEN DREW A RED LINE ACROSS MY CHEST [these markers had BETTER be water soluble]. By this time, the rest of the class was sitting on the rug listening to the substitute read them The Gingerbread Man [I wanted to read it to them!], the special ed teacher and I had hid all of the markers, called the girl's mom [who wasn't home], and the girl had moved on to paint brushes [thankfully, they were all clean...]. After a few minutes, she gave up on the brushes and started getting up on tables and jumping up and down. She was SERIOUSLY OUT OF CONTROL. I turned to the special ed teacher [she said that we should just let the girl do her thing because the more attention we gave her the worse she got - which is true - although, I worried for her safety] and whispered, "She's pretty much writing her ticket out of this classroom right now, isn't she?" The special ed teacher looked at me and said, "Oh, she wrote her ticket a LONG time ago..." Right about then the principal showed up, saw what the girl had done, picked her up, and took her out of the classroom - all the while, the girl was kicking and fighting him. [Oh, and Miles happened to come in the room around this time - he looked around with a horrified expression, grabbed some papers and another kid to test, spoke with the principal for a couple of seconds, and left.] The principal eventually brought her back to the room, and with a STERN voice told her to clean up some of the scribbles [I had already cleaned up most of the marker scribbles because kids needed to work at their tables] - and, after that, until lunch, she sat at her table and did her work.

Cut to: after lunch. As the kids were filing back into the room, the kindergarten teacher next door grabbed me and said, "Will you take this girl from my class to the office/nurse?" I looked over and there was a little girl with BLOOD POURING OUT OF HER NOSE and spilling all down the front of her white shirt. Are you kidding me? After the morning I had, now I've got to take this little girl that I've never seen before, and who is bleeding HEAVILY, down to the office? Who's testing me, and why? When I got back from the office, the kids were all seated on the rug, and the girl with autism was crawling around where she shouldn't, as usual. Eventually, she made her way behind a pocket-chart stand [near the circle of kids]. It looked like she was going to topple it over so I grabbed her and took her to the play area of the room. I sat her on my lap and asked her calmly if she wanted to play with the kitchen stuff or clothing that was there. She shook her head and tried to wrestle away from me so I said to her, "I feel sad. I would really like it if you could sit quietly on the rug with us, but you aren't being safe. Can you be safe and come over and sit with us?" She fell to the ground and then got up, ran back to the pocket-chart stand, and then proceeded to push it over onto a group of kids. I marched over, picked her up, and carried her to the office, and as we approached the office she started shaking her head, like she didn't want to go there. Tough crap, kid. To cut this story short, she was brought back to room and was LESS disruptive for the last half hour of the day. Oh, but right before we were about to go home, the class was seated on the rug listening to the sub read from Winnie the Pooh [I wanted to read it to them!]. I was seated with them, off to the side, and THE girl pulled the "Sharing Table" sign off of the sharing table, crawled over to me, stuck it to the front of my shirt, and then INSTANTLY passed out next to me. I looked over and she was fast asleep - well, she had a pretty exhausting day, eh?

So, all in all, not the best day. As far as my teaching went, well, it wasn't anything to write home about. The morning [before all hell broke loose] was fine, but I was SO rattled by lunchtime that the stuff that I did with the kids after lunch was only done with half of me there. It was the kids' first time with a sub, so they were ALL a bit wild. Miles said that this was typical and unavoidable - he said that I'll learn, when I have my own classroom, "to not think about what's going on when you are gone for the day because there is nothing you can do about it". After school we walked down the street and he bought me an ice cream cone.

I got the new Bowie CD today. He really is the coolest human being to ever walk the Earth.

Today was: So-So

Today was neither a great day or a lousy day. Mondays suck, I think - even though I sit around and rest all weekend, I still seem to be really tired on Mondays. Such is what happened today. Granted, I wasn't as tired as the para assigned to work with the girl in the wheelchair - at one point I looked over at her (the para [short for paraprofessional]) and she was pretty much asleep.

My energy level shot up about 10:15am when the girl with autism decided to suddenly go WILD. In the early morning, the girl was pretty good (undoubtedly because her mother stuck around for a while), sitting on the rug and participating in the "Letter Buddy" game. But, that didn't last for long and soon she was crawling under desks, getting behind the teacher's desk and grabbing at scissors, and playing in the classroom sink. [Oh, I should mention here that in addition to the door in the classroom that goes into the school, there are also two doors that go outside to the playground.] THEN, without warning, she got up and RAN OUTSIDE ONTO THE PLAYGROUND. This woman, who helps out in the classroom from time to time, and I immediately bolted after her. The upper grades where out at recess, and were, thus, kicking balls around and jumping rope, and the girl with autism was oblivious to any of it. When the woman and I brought the girl back into the classroom, she wriggled away, ran to the doors again, turned to face us, and then gave us a "Bye Bye" look, and disappeared. This happened 3 times, and then we closed the doors and stood in front of them so that she couldn't get out, although she tried prying my fingers off of the door handle. When she realized that she wasn't going to be able to get outside anymore, she climbed up on a table and started jumping up and down. Talk about liability. The woman and I looked at each other, then looked at Miles (who was a trooper and had just continued teaching the rest of the class the whole time), and proceeded to carry the girl down to the office where we had the secretary call her mom (the secretary didn't call her own mother, she called the mother of the girl with autism... yeah, just clearing that up...). Unbelievable, and kind of scary. After calling the mother, the secretary said, "Ok, you guys can go back to your classroom and I look after her." I almost said, "Um, you really don't know what you're dealing with here, do you?" but I didn't. I guess one of us (the woman or myself) should've stayed with the girl because I heard that when the girl's mother showed up, the girl was running up and down the street in front of the school... I think the girl may have just written her ticket to a "special" classroom - for as much as the mother wants the girl in a "regular" classroom, no one at the school seems to know what to make this work. Again, I feel REALLY bad - like, it's my job (even as the Student teacher) to teach EVERY kid, no matter the challenge. With this girl, I just can't really take it anymore. Honestly, I feel like it ISN'T MY JOB (and I say that with a lump in my throat) to CHASE after this one little girl all day. I'm here to watch how the whole classroom is run, and how Miles runs it - I'm not there to forcibly hold this girl's hand at all times - it distracts from what I'm really there for. Ugh.

The teachers are having to do some start of the year assessments over the next couple of weeks. Miles only told me AFTER SCHOOL TODAY that there is going to be a SUBSTITUTE in class tomorrow so that he can take kids out, one by one, to assess them. Last Thursday, in my seminar, a group of fellow students roll-played a situation where a Student Teacher had to deal with a classroom when there was a substitute in there. The whole time I watched I thought, "Oh, yeah. I'm ready to handle the class if Miles is absent. I'd walk in and tell the sub that they can just let me do everything all day." WELL, I didn't think that the opportunity would actually present itself SO soon. Actually, I'm kind of looking forward to it because it's my first real chance to either sink or swim, and, if I (happen to) fall flat on my face, so be it. Miles showed me the lesson plan he wrote up for the sub, and in only a couple of places does it say that I should to be leading/teaching the class. I told him that I was going to try and do as much of the day as possible - after all, I've been there from the beginning, I know how the routine of the day goes, and I know the kids and the kids know me. Logically, I should be the next in charge (although, legally, there needs to be a sub), so I will let the sub know that I'm going to attempt to walk (most of) the tightrope on my own.

Last night was the "Summer Finale" of Sex & the City. Need I say how brilliant that show is? Last night's was called "One" - when Steve held up the "1" candle (it was Brady's first birthday) and Miranda looked at him and said "I love you"... just, what a great show. Loved Samantha's one grey hair problem, too...

Yeah! Season Premiere of EVERWOOD tonight! (I'm SERIOUS - after Felicity was cancelled, I needed a replacement "sappy WB show" and stumbled across it...)

D'oh. I realized while doing the dishes that I forgot to wish Richard a happy birthday.

Happy 32nd Birthday, Richard!

(It's no Hallmark card, but "it's the thought that counts" and all that stuff, right?)

Today was a big waste of time, and it felt great.

When I was finally out of the shower, dressed, and had my hair done, I looked at the clock and said to myself, "Wow, if I were at Bryant today, it would be time for the kids to go home." Yeah, I pretty much laid around all morning and didn't bathe and become presentable until early afternoon. So, I didn't make it down to the Child Development Center, BUT, I figure that since the woman that I need to talk to works at Bryant 2 days a week I can just walk over and talk to her after school gets out some afternoon next week.

I did, however, make it down to the Cahill Lab at SFSU at 4:50pm (it closes at 5pm - I fear that I will forever and always be a procrastinator...). There, I checked out the Teacher's Edition of the Houghton Mifflin reading program that we're being forced to do - SFUSD (San Francisco Unified School District) adopted it this year, thanks to Bush's lousy "No Child Left Behind" crapola. I actually heard from someone that the Bush clan have property on Martha's Vineyard (or some such white, wealthy, Christian, conservative compound) next to the family that owns Houghton Mifflin. If it's true, it's pretty freakin' disturbing, eh? Anyway, even though the whole program that I'm in (and the program that I did at IU ten years ago) preached about how you SHOULDN'T use scripted reading programs, it's what all of San Francisco's public school teachers are being forced to use, so, we're doing it. On Muni and BART on the way back from SFSU, I was leafing through the Edition's to see what was going to be coming in the next few weeks and, I've got to say, it was a REALLY cool feeling to think that people around me might be looking at what I was doing thinking, "Ah, he must be a Kindergarten teacher". It's all slowly becoming a reality.

This morning I had a startling realization - by the end of last spring, and all this past summer, I kept feeling like I might not really be up for this whole teaching thing. Like, what if it really isn't what I want to do, or even if it is something that I think that I am CAPABLE of doing? But, this morning, there was a sudden shift - now, I feel like I DO want to be a teacher and that I CAN be a GREAT teacher, and my only worry at this point is how much work it's going to take to BE a great teacher. Already, at the end of only my 3rd week of Student Teaching, a lot of the mysteries behind what teaching is really about, and what a teacher really goes through on a day-to-day basis (which fed into my insecurities), are being made flesh. The known can be tackled.

Right now, it's time for me to tackle the mound of dishes in the kitchen sink.

Today was: Kinda Sucky, Kinda Good

Yeah, today was kind of a rollercoaster day. Things started out well, and then at 10:30, I'm telling you, the kids just TURNED. Suddenly, EVERYONE was REALLY cranky. I had to say to a couple of kids, "You're going to do this because I TOLD YOU TO DO IT." I hadn't had anyone be that defiant to me until today. I'm sure part of it was because it was OPRESSIVELY HOT today, and after lunch the kids seemed a bit better, but for an hour there... whew...

I had my second Student Teaching seminar at SFSU this evening, which meant that I had to leave school early, missing out on a Staff Development meeting on "assessment" (a fellow student teacher and I went to 45 minutes of the meeting and walked away thinking, "That went WAY over my head - I really had NO idea what they were talking about..."). At seminar we talked a bit about learning disabilities and the teacher HAD US WATCH A VIDEO. It was an interesting video giving the viewer an insight into what students with learning disabilites go through in a school day, but, it really isn't a good idea to put 30 student teachers in a dark room on the evening of their 4th straight day in the classroom - extreme exhaustion and lights out leads to an even more severe exhaustion.

More tomorrow when I'm not so exhausted. No teaching tomorrow, but I'm going to try to go down to a nearby Child Development Center (a San Francisco Unified School District preschool - one that I spent some time in last Fall) and ask about volunteering on Fridays. If they ask if I want to start immediately, I will lie and say that I have something else to do tomorrow. Again, exhaustion...

Oh, there were actually a couple of things that I forgot to mention earlier:

This morning, while shaving (which, I'm doing EVERYDAY now - can't go to school scruffy - I normally only shave every OTHER morning...) with my electric shaver (I can't handle knives or anything with an exposed blade... shiver...), I noticed that it felt like it was cutting a bit violently. Turns out that there was a small hole in the screen that quickly became a huge ragged mess. Oh, and this happened when I was only HALFWAY done shaving. I braved it and tried to use the shaver as much (and as carefully) as possible, but when I got to my upper lip I had visions of the screen completely ripping off and either cutting off my nose or tearing a slit in my eye - SO, I had to bite the bullet and use Brian's razor. Needless to say, I went to Walgreen's after school and got a replacement cutter/screen.

On the same trip as the Walgreen's run, we went to Best Buy so that I could buy the new Seal album ("SEAL IV"). Needless to say, it's pretty great (although, I'm not sure that it's better than his last album, "Human Being").

I was making copies in the copy room at school this morning and a para walked in and asked me how I was liking being with Miles. I said to her that he's fantastic and the perfect model for me. She said, "I've worked in this district for 24 years and I've never seen a teacher like Miles. He is the best teacher I've ever seen - the kids are just drawn to him." Needless to say, I feel VERY fortunate.

Today was: GOOD!

Yeah, despite the fact that one of the girls in the class BARFED on the rug in the afternoon (the kids must have been served ravioli or lasagna for lunch today...), today was a really good one.

Miles and I decided to have "sit down and talk" time on Wednesday afternoons, so he and I talked for a good hour after school today. I told him to be brutally honest about what he notices that I could work on professionally - he said that there really wasn't anything that he could think of that I was doing wrong. He mentioned that he likes that I'm even-tempered (actually, I think he used the word "calm"), and I said that I wish that I had more energy like him. Grass is greener and all that, eh?

So, I'm not really feeling all that verbose at the moment, and as such, I'm going to exercise my "Right to Pass" (it's a Tribes thing - see the link from a couple of days ago...) and keep it pretty short today. Honestly, there really isn't all that much to report today, anyway. I'm really getting SO MUCH more out of this experience than I could've imagined, and SO MUCH more than I got the first time around in Indiana (I'm thinking about devoting most of Friday's space to my 1993 Student Teaching experience). EVERY DAY I get an insight into something else - and all of this adds up to the realization of just how much really goes into teaching. Honestly, it's SO MUCH MORE than most people would imagine - so many components, so many different things to juggle at once, so much energy expended working with 20 kids everyday, so much politics - it's really exhausting. I'm pretty much to the point already where I don't dread going everyday (I wouldn't say that I'm necessarily EXCITED every morning yet...), but I'm still glad that tomorrow is Thursday - the end of my week...

Today was: Fantastic

I really don't like to toot my own horn, and I'm REALLY bad at taking compliments and hearing positive things about myself from others, but today was pretty great. I had to teach a lesson today because my supervisor from SFSU was coming for an evaluation (I didn't mention this yesterday because I didn't want to jinx myself...), so I did one out of the Houghton-Mifflin textbook. It involved talking about the concepts of little versus big, and how kids can do things now that they couldn't do when they were babies. Then, there was a poem reitterating this concept with the last sentence saying something like "Now I can ____, you see!" I solicited possible words/phrases from the students which could fit in the blank, my model for them being "drive". Kids came up with things like "swim", "eat cake", and "jump". Naturally, me being me, I was pretty aware the whole time of things that I thought I was doing "wrong", or places where I thought I wasn't being clear, or talking to fast and mumbling. Plus, because my mind was SO full of what I had to do in order to get the right words out of my mouth, I didn't really have the brainpower to focus on behavior management. Sure, I could see in my peripheral vision that this kid or that kid wasn't paying attention, so I would say, "____, what is something that you can do now, that you couldn't do when you were a baby?" and get him/her back on task, but I know that some kids weren't sitting still or were looking off into space. That all comes with time and practice, I suppose.

SO, to jump to the part that I REALLY need to tell you about, when I was finished with the lesson and handed the class back to Miles, he whispered, "That was fantastic", as I passed by him. AND, when I walked over to my supervisor, I saw that she had a FULL page of notes in her lap. She said to me, "Why am I here? You don't need me to tell you anything. The program that you are in can't teach you to do the things that you did up there. You've got it. You're just a natural teacher. It's not even really worth either of our time for me to come and observe you anymore because you are doing exactly what you should be doing." HOLY CRAP. I said to her, "Wow, you're going to make me cry", because, well, my eyes were filling with tears. She mentioned that she specifically liked how I drew direct comparisons between the kids in the class and some of the situations in the book. One picture showed a boy whose hands were covered in paint ("Now I am big! I can clean up all by myself when I get messy."), and I mentioned how it reminded me of yesterday when one of the kids in the class came in from recess with colored chalk all over his hands and he washed them by himself in the sink. There was also a picture of a girl riding a horse ("When I was a baby played on a rocking horse. Now I am big! I can go horseback riding on a pony!"), and I made the connection between that and the girl in class in the wheelchair who always talks about how she takes riding lessons. These are things that are no-brainers to me - you've GOT to draw connections between the lesson concepts and the students in order to draw them in. Oh, and when I saw my supervisor in the teachers' lunchroom, she said that she mentioned to the SCHOOL PRINCIPAL that he should come in to observe me. My initial reaction was panic - "How could she go over my head like that! Too much pressure and she didn't even ask me if she could!" - but that quickly became "Holy cow. This could write me a ticket to a job with the district." I'm going to give myself a pat on the back for all of this.

I also worked with half the kids (and then the other half) with their "Poem and Song Folders" - we sang the Alphabet Song over and over and over again (it was the only song/poem in their folders!). And, during math time, I sat at the art table and kids could either choose to work with Miles (He had a big box filled with shape blocks - kids would stick their hands in, feel around for a block, describe it, and then guess the shape. I never liked these kinds of things - they remind me of going to the "Environmental Center" and having to stick your hand in a box. Usually, they were filled with feathers, snake skin, or tree bark, but I was always afraid that there would be something in there that could either bite or goo on me...) or work with me gluing shapes down on white paper to form a Shape Collage. Miles and I walked over to the autistic girl and asked her who she wanted to work with. I kept pointing to myself (Just like the old "Kids in the Hall" sketch: "Pick me! Pick me!") and she eventually came over to work with me. It was AMAZING - she'd pick out a construction paper shape and hand it to me, and then I would put glue on it and she would take it from my fingers and paste it down on the paper. AMAZING, I tell you.
So, after school, the autistic girl's mom showed up with a therapist that has been working with their family to help them deal with the fact that they have an autistic child. Actually, I suppose I should say that he is helping the MOTHER adjust - apparently the father is having NOTHING to do with his daughter. I asked if he lived with them and the therapist said, "Oh, yeah. But he refuses to acknowledge the fact that he has a daughter with special needs." When I heard this it was the closest that I've come to full-on crying in a long time. Yeah, I keep saying here and there that I "teared up", and I frequently do come close to tears, but this time I REALLY thought that I was going to have to excuse myself, go into the bathroom, and just weep. It may be useful to know that the girl and her family are Chinese, and there are a bunch of antiquated cultural issues going on here. It just adds another layer of sadness to the sadness. The mother seems quite lost, and now I know why.

After they left, I sat in while Miles explained how he has integrated the MANDATED Houghton-Mifflin reading program (stupid Bush and his lousy "No Child Left Behind"...) into his schedule to a couple of teachers who are having some trouble with it (geez, he's amazing). It lasted for over an hour and a half, and by the end my brain was FULL from the day. Brian and I were supposed to go to a free screening of "Millennium Actress" tonight, but I'm physically and mentally DRAINED. It was an incredibly full day and I'm going to post this before it is somehow lost and I have to redo it all, which would make the day even more physically and mentally exhausting.

Today was: OK

I've got to say that I started out at a disadvantage this morning because I was awoken at 5am by the sounds of our neighbor playing guitar in his kitchen. Just as I was falling back asleep at 5:30am, he yelled at one of his cats and then kicked it down the stairs. I was so upset that I ALMOST got up and went to his door to talk to him, but, I wasn't really feeling confrontational. More about this guy some other time.

SO, I was dragging a bit this morning. Overall, though, the day was OK. In the morning, I worked with one half of the kids, and then the other half, on their search for 2 new books for their Browsing Boxes. There were a few minor skirmishes over who was going to get the "David" books, but, for the most part things went well. There is one girl, who is just beautiful, who seems to be a bit down on herself. She's constantly saying that she can't do things, and she procrasinates so that she won't have time to finish projects ("Can I go to the bathroom?" "I'm cold. Can I go get my sweater?" "I'm hot. Can I put my sweater in my cubby?"). Today, she picked out a Tomie dePaola (one of my favorites) book called "Pancakes for Breakfast" which has only pictures - no text. She asked me to read it to her, but I told her that I knew that she could come up with a story that was better than one that I could invent. Sure enough, she went to town with the book, coming up with MULTIPLE sentences per page, perfectly describing what was happening in the pictures. Small victories.

Oh, and there were NO URINARY ACCIDENTS today!

The girl with autism had a REALLY LOUSY DAY. Everyone is pretty much at a loss with her - she won't listen, she won't pay attention, she endangers herself, she endangers others, and she's just, obviously, not benefiting from being in the classroom AT ALL. For her, trying to get her to do something becomes a game - when you ask her to come to the rug or to sit at her table and do the activity that the rest of the class is doing, she'll start laughing and begin to run around the room. When you grab her to force her to do something (which I had to do MANY times today), she'll go limp and start giggling. At one point today, she ran over to the supply shelves, grabbed a pair of scissors, and ran over to the play center where she began to cut at one of the doll's hair. This was when I really started to freak out. It's all just sad and frustrating in so many ways, the major one being that I feel like I'm failing her by not getting her involved in the classroom. After school, one of the "mommies" of the girl in the wheelchair was giving advice to the autistic girl's mother - ways in which she could demand a one-on-one assistant. It was really cool, but I could tell that the "mommie" felt like her words were falling on deaf ears.

We did an activity with the kids today called "Stand Up, Sit Down". Miles and I, because we are just about the same height, had to model it for the students. It's the thing where you stand back-to-back with another person, interlock your arms with each other, and then try and sit down and then stand back up. It's SO much more difficult than it sounds (if you don't believe me, try it for yourself...), and when I heard that we were going to be doing it with the class my first thought was, "Someone is going to get hurt". Sure enough, one little girl slammed her face into the shelves at the Block Area - no blood, just tears... THANKFULLY...

I just spoke to a woman in my program and I'm SO glad to hear that she is constantly exhausted like me. She mentioned that she already knows that she's not going to be planning any social activities Monday-Thursday nights because she knows she's going to be pretty tired every day after school. I know exactly what she's talking about. I was supposed to do something with a friend tonight and had to cancel when I got home from school and I could barely stay awake. It's only a 5 hours with the kids (8 or 9 hours from showing up in the morning to leaving at night), but it FEELS so much longer. It's not like I run around the room attending to student after student, it's really just about an ENERGY that runs throughout the day - an energy that wears you down.

The back porch is supposedly "done". I got home yesterday afternoon, after having been gone all day at my cohort cookout in Golden Gate Park, and looked down the hall - it seemed slightly BRIGHTER at the back of the apartment. We have porch that looks like it is out of a STANLEY KUBRICK movie. The old guy painted EVERYTHING BRIGHT WHITE - the walls, the trim, the ceiling, THE PLYWOOD FLOOR - ALL WHITE. Naturally, the paint job is crappy - it really looks like it's just a primer coat - and the kitchen still has a layer of white dust on top of a layer of blackish-brown dust.

I found a new favorite pizza place last night (sorry, Mr. Pizza Man...) - it is called PIZZA EXPRESS. Coincidentally, my favorite pizza place at Indiana University was also called PIZZA EXPRESS. Maybe I should go through the San Francisco phone book and see if I can find a restaurant called "Dragon Chinese". After pizza, we walked next door to this new ice cream place and I got a cotton candy flavoured milk shake, despite the "Are you sure you really want that?" looks from the women behind the counter. I'm currently obsessed with cotton candy - and, now that I think about it, it was always the kindergarten teacher at my elementary school who worked the cotton candy machine at our school carnivals. Is this what I have to look forward to?

Outside of having the opening shift at Dunkin' Donuts, I HAD to pick the profession that starts the earliest in the morning. Why can't school start at 11am or so? Alright, I'd go as early as 10am and would promise to not complain about having the school day end at 5pm. I can't ever remember being a morning person - in fact, for MANY years, I HATED BREAKFAST. After church, I'd have to be dropped off at home to eat a bowl of Lucky Charms while my family went out for bacon and eggs. I've come WAY around on the breakfast thing - in fact, it may just be my favorite meal of the day (I could eat the chocolate chip pancakes at It's Tops every morning for the rest of my days) - but I still just can't drag my butt out of bed at 6:30am and have a smile on my face while doing it. Thursday evening, I had my first Student Teaching seminar down at State, and even after spending the whole morning and afternoon at Bryant, I had SO much energy - I do FINE at 4pm, but I'm not so good at 9am. Point made.

I think I'm going to tell Miles that I want to start doing some more things everyday. There are a couple of things that I'm thinking of, simple tasks like being in charge of the "Question of the Day" (where the students put their names under the proper response to a posed question such as "Have you ever been on an airplane?") and the "Buzz Book" (a large sheet of chart paper that has the date and a different question-y type thing which the kids discuss with the person next to them, and then we discuss and write as a group). I should be taking over sections of the day in the coming weeks, and by starting off with these kinds of daily things I'll get small-steps practice. The calendar is the next thing I want to usurp, but I know Miles won't give this up without a fight - he really seems to enjoy it.

Things I Did By Myself on Thursday: At the start of the day, Miles asked me if I wanted to lead the "ABC March" ("A-B-C! Look at Me!... P-Q-R! You're a STAR!") - I wanted to immediately scream out "NO! DON'T MAKE ME!". I have a deep voice, and, although I like to sing, and can kind of sing, I don't really have a voice that is suited for singing kids songs. Whenever I try to sing along with the songs on tape that are used in the class, I either have to go really high (falsetto high), or really low (almost too low). It's just awkward. Add to this that one of the kids' parents ended up being in the room when it was time to do the march. That's another thing about me, I tend to get REALLY self-conscious (more so than what I normally feel at any given time...) when I know that an adult is watching what I'm doing. I like being goofy with kids, I think it's a great way to engage them and hold their attention, but when an adult is around I muse, "They must think that I'm a complete idiot." There were a couple of times where I was so lost in my head that I momentarily forgot which letters we were on, but, all in all, the "ABC March" went off without a hitch.
Miles wants to start daily sharing so he asked me to bring in a couple of things to share - a way to model for the kids what kind of things they can bring in, and what they can say about them. Coincidentally, Miles and I both brought in pictures of our cats, and small animal figurines that remind us of relatives. Weird. I brought in a picture that I took of Macon when he was months old (it normally hangs above our toilet, which, now that I write it, sounds odd...) and said that it was a picture of someone/thing that I really cared about, and I was proud of it because I took the picture. The other item was an elephant figurine that I gave to my grandmother a long time ago, and I got back when she died in 2001 - I let the kids know that I keep it on my desk and it is really special to me because it will always remind me of my grandma.
For workshop time, I got to cycle through half the class at a time and do a sorting/gluing activity with them. It was a lot like the macaroni sorting I did with them on Tuesday, except this time it was sorting colored shapes (red circles, blue rectangles, yellow squares, and green triangles - sounds like Lucky Charms, eh?). The kids were MUCH more conservative with the glue this time. AND, the little girl with autism actually did it! Sure, she had two adults to focus her and put down dots of glue for her, but SHE DID IT.
During Tribes circle time, we went around the circle telling the rest of the class what our favorite place in the world is. I said mine was the Great Wall of China - which, isn't really a "place" but more of a "thing/site/attraction" - I probably confused the kids, but I'm serious about making it a priority to visit the Great Wall of China before I leave this mortal coil.

I'll post more about Student Teaching in a little while...

...but, right now, I'M REALLY TICKED OFF. The Old Guy Returns! He's back, and he's as careless and messy as EVER! This very second, he's cutting through a 2x4, with an electric saw, IN OUR APARTMENT. Sawdust is flying everywhere. Can't you take that outside for a second?? On top of that, he's recruited some other guy to help him sand down the plaster on the joints of the wallboard. There is a white dusty cloud in our kitchen, which is settling on everything in there. I'm livid because I know that there is no way in HELL this guy intends to clean up after himself. At the VERY LEAST, he could've put up a sheet of plastic between the porch and kitchen to keep in SOME of the dust (which I asked him to do from day 1...). OH, and while I was putting some groceries away the old guy coughed a hacking cough - well, if you would wear a FACE MASK while working in a plaster dust environment your lungs might like you more! I'm sending along a note with this month's rent check in which I complain about ALL of the porch renovation hell, but I know that we won't get as much as a "Sorry" in return. It really horks me off. REALLY...

I need to be more ASSERTIVE. Tonight was the "Kindergarten Back to School" night, and, even though Miles told me that I didn't have to be there, I went because I need to force myself to do all of the things that he would do. Ask any person getting their teaching credential what they are most worried about when they get their own classrooms and I bet that 9 out of 10 of them will say "Classroom management" (you know, dealing with discipline issues and getting the kids to sit quietly and listen) and "Dealing with parents". Well, tonight was my opportunity to work on conquering one of those fears. Miles was up in front of the parents going down the list of things he wanted to cover (PLEASE volunteer, Don't send your kid to school with junkfood in their lunchboxes, READ TO YOUR CHILD EVERY DAY, Send your child to school on time, PLEASE donate money because the government is spending money on bombs rather than on your child's future, etc.) and I ASSUMED that an introduction of me to the parents was on his list - what with the fact that I will be working with their kids 4 days a week for the next 13 weeks. Nope. When the whole thing was over he turned to me with a horrified look on his face and exclaimed, "OH, NO! I'm SO sorry that I forgot to introduce you!" I insisted that it's not his fault, because, it really isn't. I'm the doofus who, FOR SOME REASON, can't chime in and say, "Hey, don't forget me! I'm going to be working with these people's children and I want them to know who I am!" Aaargh - I'm pretty disappointed with myself... I did, however, get to chat with a couple of parents as they were leaving... baby steps... baby steps...

It's 9pm and I haven't had dinner yet. Brian's new schedule stinks.

Today was: GOOD

By that "GOOD" I mean that today was a "better than average" day with more high points than low points.
It's 8:45 pm, I just got home from my first Student Teaching seminar (on the SFSU campus) half an hour ago, I'm hungry, I'm tired, and I don't have ANYTHING to do tomorrow (Student Teaching is only Monday-Thursday), so I'm not going to write about today's events yet - you've got to wait until tomorrow. I will say, however, that even though TWO students wet themselves today (the same two that had accidents the last two days...), it was still a GOOD day. (The insertion of an emoticon seems appropriate here, but I'm not going to... because I hate them.)

Today was: Just OK

The Kindergarten teacher in me feels like I should have a heading (like the above) every day for quick reference. We'll see how long I can remember to keep it up...

So, yeah, today was just ok. Not great, but not horribly awful. Besides the fact that ANOTHER student wet themself today (that's two days in a row, for those keeping count), I suppose most of it was due to the fact that I just wasn't feeling "ON" today. I woke up dragging, got to school dragging, and just couldn't really muster up a bunch of energy all day. Could it be related to the fact that yesterday there were 4 or 5 kids who were coughing and sneezing (Didn't your parent teach you to cover your mouth?!?)? Also, maybe I just didn't have my Vitaball early enough this morning? Mid-way through the day, my SFSU supervisor showed up to drop something off for me and she asked me, "Is everything alright today?" I'm not sure if she meant it this way, but it really seemed like she could somehow tell that I wasn't at 100%.

At one point during the day, I got to work with half the class at a time while they were in the Reading Center. Yesterday, they all picked two books out of the classroom library to put in their "Book Browsing" folders, and during Reading Center time today they had to familiarize themselves with only those two books. Well, I was immediately inundated with calls from ALL SIDES - "Eric! Read to me!" It's really difficult trying to give equal attention to every student - I just feel so bad when I don't get to work with every kid everyday. Unfortunately, I probably divide most of my attention among only those kids who actually ask for help - I've got to make it a goal to keep track of who I give extra attention to each day, and make sure that I make my rounds equally over the course of a week. SO, there was me at the Reading Center feeling completely overwhelmed and zapped of energy. One of the students, a boy who has an unreal amount of energy, kept asking me to read a Clifford book to him because he didn't know how to read. Well, I KEPT TELLING HIM, "There are some things that you CAN read. Even if you don't know all of the words on the page, you can still look at the pictures and get an idea of what is going on in the story." After MUCH prodding, he finally took the book, and began to tell the story as he understood it just from the pictures. AND, of course, he was pretty much right on. That was probably my greatest success today (maybe I should also have a "Greatest Success" header here each day too, huh?).

The most interesting thing that happened today was that I got to sit in on a meeting between Miles, the Principal, the Special Ed teacher, a Speech & Language therapist, and the two mommies of the student in the class that has CP and is in a wheelchair. As I walked in the room and I sat down (after asking the parents if it was alright that I was there) I thought, "Wow, this is REALLY confidential stuff I'm taking part in..." SO, I won't go into too many details, but, I will say that I contributed a bit to the discussion, and for that, I was quite proud of myself. In a nutshell, the parents wanted to be sure that their daughter was getting included in EVERY aspect of the classroom (activities, routines, circle time, recess, etc.) even though it is difficult for her to get around. I had heard things about the parents that made me a bit intimidated (overbearing, demanding, etc.), but, when I sat there and saw them tear up as they expressed their sadness for their daughter because she will have to spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair, and their extreme pride at how she is becoming more and more capable every day, it just melted my heart. It's just so amazing to see two people care so much for their child. Why can't all parents care that much?

The girl with autism had a pretty bad day. She was so disruptive at one point that I had to grab her to try to restrain her. Not fun - actually, pretty scary. I've worked with kids for years, but I'm not used to that kind of thing, so I'm afraid of using too much strength/force and injuring her. Thankfully, Miles spoke up to the girl's mother and said that he, too, isn't comfortable with restraining her. As it looks right now, I don't think the girl is going to last much longer in the room - it appears as though "forces that be" in the school are going to recommend that she be put in a special school. Her mother really wants her to be included in a "regular classroom", but I'm not sure how realistic that is...

Old Man Update: Well, he hasn't been by in over a week. Yes, we are the proud residents of an unfinished back porch which still makes it difficult to use our kitchen. Last night, I looked out the back window and watched him using an electric saw on a piece of wood that he was HOLDING. Do you understand what I'm saying here? He wasn't using any kind of saw horse, but was HOLDING the piece of wood up against his body to stablize it while he sawed at it with a POWER SAW. Wow, this guy is really going to hurt himself one day, and, I get the feeling that he won't be eligible for workman's comp.

I created this blog with purpose of having a place to jot down thoughts / experiences / fears / triumphs / tribulations, etc. involving Student Teaching. I'm now Student Teaching and writing in this blog less than I did over the summer when I had NOTHING going on. Bad sign, eh? Actually, I need to FORCE myself to write bunches here EVERYDAY because part of my Student Teaching "coursework" is to keep a daily journal. I'm either going to write in the blog and then transfer stuff to the written page, or, if she is tech savvy, just give this URL to my SFSU supervisor. I don't know about you, but I've got my fingers crossed for the latter possibility...

SO, first order of business: STUDENT TEACHING. I've got to say (knock on wood) that so far things are going quite well. Alright, yeah, I'm only gauging that off of 3 days in the actual classroom. But, one of the days was GREAT, today was right up there alongside "great", and, as previously reported, the first day kinda sucked - so, what we've got is a 2/3 majority - and, you can't argue with statistics like that...
Seriously, I can already feel like I'm getting into the groove of the classroom. Sure, I'm still kind of following along with the students (like I'm ONE OF the students) as far as actual daily routines/schedules go, but I'm finding my way. I REALLY like the way Miles runs the classroom - he's the PERFECT model for me. EVERY MORNING before the kids come into the classroom, he walks down the line of students and greets them all individually, asking them for either a handshake, a "high five", or a hug. EVERY AFTERNOON, as they are lining up to leave, Miles says goodbye to each and every student, and also asks them for either a handshake, a "high five", or a hug. It is the SWEETEST THING, and brings a tear to my eye everytime. He REALLY cares about these kids, and that is where EVERY teacher should begin. Today, he read them "NO, DAVID!" which is about a kid who keeps getting yelled at by his mother because he is constantly doing things that he shouldn't. When he finished reading it, Miles said, "Just like in the book, I'm going to be telling you guys over and over to 'Stop doing that!', or to 'Quiet down!' or to 'Pay attention'. And, although it may seem like I'm really mad at you, just like David's mom told him at the end of the book, I still love you - and I want you to know that." How touching is THAT?

So, on Thursday last week (the GREAT day), I showed up in the morning, looked at Miles, and said, "Oh, wow. I only live 3 blocks away. I can totally go home and change." Miles and I were wearing, pretty much, THE EXACT SAME SHIRT. It's a red & white plaid, cowboy-style shirt, and I'm going to warn Miles a day in advance when I'm thinking about wearing it again. ALL DAY, students and teachers alike were coming up to us and saying things like "Oh, I didn't get the memo about red shirt day!" and "Are you two twins?" It was actually pretty hilarious, and really set the tone for the whole day.

I think I mentioned before that there is a child in the class with autism (a child whom I almost referred to by name, and quickly realized that I shouldn't...). Well, it's been a rollercoaster already. On Thursday, she had the most amazing day. She was chosen (at random) to be the "Student of the Day", which was a challenge, since the students get to ask the Student of the Day "get to know you" questions and this little girl hasn't spoken a word in the classroom yet. It's also been INCREDIBLY difficult to even get her to focus on any one thing for more than a few minutes at a time. Most of the day, she either runs around the room or sits off by herself and plays with some Legos. On Thursday, though, she got up at the front of the class and when students asked her things like "Do you have a dog?" she shook her head. She also participated in the calendar activity, changing markers from "Wednesday" to "Thursday", etc. There were a couple of other adults (a para, a reading specialist, and a special ed teacher) in the room at the time and we all looked at each other with tears in our eyes, grabbing at our chests because our heartstrings were being stretched to their limits. Seriously, my throat ACHED from choaking back the tears. Today, unfortunately, wasn't up there with her best days. She refused to focus, she threw Legos at other students, she was making noise, and she wet herself. Nope, not a good day. I just feel so much for her mom who comes into the room every morning to drop her off and make sure she is settled, and picks her up every afternoon asking Miles and I what kind of day her daughter had. When you think about it, the girl is only 5, and she was only diagnosed with autism a couple of years ago. Plus, this is her first experience with being away at school all day, so it's all pretty new for the mom, too. Today Miles (whose name I suppose I shouldn't use either... but I've already used a few times...) finally said to the mother that he really wasn't sure what he should do with the girl. Best case scenario, a para is assigned to work with her full time (which would make 4 adults in the room all day).

As far as what I've gotten to do on my own so far, well, one day last week I got to work with half the class at a time on a worksheet where they wrote their names and then practiced writing capital and lowercase "A"s. Thursday I sat with half the class at a time in the Reading Center, practicing proper behavior (basically, reading quietly) in that part of the room. Today, I did a sorting/gluing macaroni activity twice (each time with half the class). Each time, things went pretty darn well - I'm actually quite amazed at not only how well-behaved the students are, but at how much they know (They're FIVE!). So far, I haven't exactly been Mr. MeanOldStrictTeacher, but I've been a lot better/more aggressive than I have in other classrooms I've worked in. Certainly, most of that is because I felt like I was more of a casual observer in those other situations. Here and now, I'm 100% part of the room, and, most importantly, working my way up to being 100% part of the TEACHER part of the room. I've gotten a bit stern with a couple of students, and I've said (WAY more than once) to many a student, "Sit Up!" But, I hope that they know that I still love them...

Tired and hungry. Must eat, and watch the Bravo shows.

Well, we got back from the beach house (which ended up being a million times nicer than our apartment, even at a quarter of the size...) about 20 minutes ago. I'm exhausted. It's taxing sitting around for 3 days eating bacon and chips, drinking beer, playing board games [RISK 2210! Cranium (which, I find WAY overrated...)!], watching movies, and eating more bacon and chips.

As I said in the Jeep on the way home, it was fun and relaxing, but I still wish that I had a day to do nothing but sit around our apartment before I have to go back to school.

Thanks go out to Tara for checking in on Macon and Sam while we were gone. I think Macon got a little miffed that we left him alone for so long because there were a couple of potted plants that made the leap from the top of the refrigerator to the counter and floor - terracotta and potting soil all over the kitchen. Right now, the cats are chasing each other up and down the hallway and lunging at each others' throats. They are obviously happy to have us back.

More about the Stinson Beach weekend, and the first couple days at Bryant, tomorrow (when my head stops throbbing, my stomach quits rumbling, and my eyes stop screaming for sleep) - promise...